Thursday, October 9, 2008

Chakras and Confessions

OK - so how do you like the new yellow background? Love it? Hate it?

My favorite color has always been yellow. It makes me happy. It is associated with joy and happiness and creativity. My favorite flower is a yellow rose. My favorite car is a canary yellow Corvette Stingray. My favorite pudding is butterscotch. My favorite room is my bedroom, which is painted a butter color. I love anything with cheese on it. I love bright yellow crayons. I adore Winnie the Pooh. However, I don't ever WEAR yellow. Who can get away with that besides Belle? (Otherwise known as my Favorite Disney Princess). Does anyone really look good in yellow? I wear colors that are much more earthy. I only feel good if I'm wearing brown, rust, dark green or spicy pumpkin/burnt orange....

Yellow is associated with the 3rd chakra - the solar plexus. (Yes, I am weird. I pay attention to chakras - somebody has to). Supposedly, this is the place where my adolescent personality is held. Me thinks it escapes now and again, mostly through my mouth. Also stored within this chakra is "personal power" and a "sense of my place within the universe". I believe that my adolescent personality is overpowering these two. I've no sense of what my place within the universe might be. I am looking into the possibility of having a midlife crisis in order to further investigate this. As for personal power, the most powerful I've ever felt was when giving birth. Which is funny, because as soon as the birth is over, I feel so totally powerless holding that tiny little force.

The spiritual lesson of this chakra is acceptance of my place in life, which as we've established, is a mystery to me. The purpose of this chakra is mental understanding of my emotional life, which I can't sort out because I am too emotional. So - maybe my favorite color is yellow so that I will feel inspired to continue paying attention to all of these areas in my life that I don't understand. Who knows?

Back to the midlife crisis. A friend has suggested I grow dreadlocks. She has dreadlocks. My hair would actually make pretty good dreadlocks. But I do not know how I would dye my hair in dreds. Plus, the suggestion that I grow dreds makes Ellie look panicked and Jeff look amused. Jeff has suggested I sleep with a tall, handsome, bald guy for my midlife crisis. Then he says, "Oh yeah. You already do that." Some have suggested a new car (canary yellow Stingray, maybe?) but where would I put the the kids? I would have to get rid of the kids. At least two of them would be difficult to get rid of. Many people are suggesting I get inked up. This is sounding more and more like at least the first step to a decent midlife crisis. My dad has suggested an accordion tattoo for when I begin to sag and wrinkle. Not quite what I had in mind. So I am totally up for suggestions on how to have a proper midlife crisis with 5 kids along.

Fall always stirs up feelings of change for me - maybe that is responsible for my yearning for a midlife crisis. Or it could be the fact that I'm leaving my youth behind and getting really, really, really middle-aged. I hate the phrase middle-aged. It is the gateway to ancient. Have you ever held onto a small dog and tried to put it outside when it didn't want to go? Have you seen it put its legs out straight and try to brace them against the door jam? (Or is that just the nasty little dogs I've known?) Anyway, that is me. I've got my legs against the door jam. Let me hear from other women who have gracefully let go of the door jam. Teach me to embrace my wrinkles and gray hair.

At the same time - I don't feel middle-aged. But yikers I could use a little Botox. But I don't believe in Botox. But I really want Botox. But I don't believe in Botox. But I really want it. Don't believe in it. Want it /don't / want it....don''t want it! whew! That feels better.

On to more important things. I have a Palin confession. My dad asked me if I felt any pride over Palin's candidacy, ya know, my being a woman and all. I just pictured her winkin' and grinnin' (which I know some of you find folksy and that's okay) and incitin' the crowds into a lynch-mob hysteria and I was like, "No, not at all." But then after the vice-presidential debate, Palin's family came onto the stage along with Biden's family. And her daughter handed her the baby and she was up there on the stage holding him and she began rocking back and forth and patting his back in the exact same way I have always rocked and patted my babies' backs and in the words of Seinfeld's George Constanza...."it moved." Yes, that's right folks, a little stirring of the heart happened as I looked up at the stage and forgot about how I disagree with Sarah Palin on well, everything, and the fact that I believe she is being exploited by McCain in order to secure the religious vote, and just saw a mom with a baby right after participating in a vice-presidential debate and I was like "Wow! Go Mommy Power!" Definitely would have been sweeter if it was a candidate I support. Anyway, speaking of mixed emotions and Sarah Palin, I have another confession to make. Listen now, because I'm gonna whisper this, doggonit.

I want her glasses.

There. I said it. I want Sarah Palin glasses. Real bad. They would look so good on me and then I wouldn't have these frames of my brand new "progressive bi-focals can you say middle-aged" glasses annoyin' the heck out of me all the time. But I can't do it. I just can't. Oh sigh. It would lessen my maverickness to be wearing the same glasses as multitudes of other women.

Well, I've gotta go start some brown rice. Would you believe Joel is tidying up the living room without being asked? He said he's trying to get the negative energy out of the room. He is going to throw his siblings outside next. Jasper is whining because his teeth are tired. I have no idea what that means. But I'm going to go and console him and his tired teeth and think about my midlife crisis and the upcoming election and my place in the universe...

Sardine Mama


  1. again, i finish reading & there's a smile on my face. you are wonderful for that. hope you enjoy that i always complement you b/c it's real! really great. :)

  2. Heck YES i enjoy it! We're talking highlight of my day....

  3. The yellow hurts me.

    I loves me some yellow...the interior of my house is very nearly all yellow. But that one is just so bright and zingy it's hard to read.

    With my old lady, progressive bifocals.

  4. Yes, Pamela - it isn't quite a soothing yellow, is it? I like to play with these things....

    Are your progressives "Sarah Palin" progressives? Progressive, you know, is a more politically correct term for liberal. (Don't tell anybody).