Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Seriously, Is A Padded Cell Too Much To Ask For? Is It?

I'm considering (actually I'm anticipating) having a nervous breakdown. It's still in the planning stages, of course, so I'd appreciate some advice. I've attempted to have a nervous breakdown a couple of times before but was unsuccessful. Nobody really noticed.

So, the thing is, I don't want to slowly lose my marbles, or begin some kind of long, awkward, slide into delirium....I want to totally go off the deep end and do it all at once. I don't want the possibility to exist for the episode to be misconstrued or misinterpreted as something exhaustion. I don't want someone thinking I'm merely "overwhelmed." I don't want someone to say that "mom seems irritable and, by the way, she needs a shower." I want people to walk in and go, "Holy crap! There's a crazy woman!! Totally insane!!" and then treat me accordingly.

You see, my life is a little too much for me at the moment. I took on planning a homeschooling conference and if that isn't proof I'm a lunatic, I don't know what is. Homeschoolers are interesting and lovely people, for the most part, but let's face it folks - we're dealing with a larger than average chunk-o-crazy in this sphere. So yeah, daily doses...right up until July 24, which is the date of the conference. In addition to that, I'm driving myself insane. Literally. As in DRIVING ALL THE DAMN TIME. I can't keep our schedules straight. I keep over-committing myself, which is a sure sign that I should just get it over and COMMIT MYSELF somewhere. This morning Joel slept through tae kwon do....we forgot....and I had made plans to do something when I was supposed to be taking him to guitar. We've missed birthday parties, doctors appointments, hair appointments...often all in one day. We have no clean socks. I can't get any chores / errands done....and on top of it.....I'd really like to finish one of these books I've begun writing. Just one. Even if it sucks.

The only way I can think of to accomplish finishing something (like a book) is to just suffer from a total breakdown. The kind that makes everyone go, "Wow. Maybe, since Mom is over there eating chalk and talking to the coffee pot, we should just fold our own socks. Maybe we'll just leave her alone for awhile."

Gosh darnit, I want people to walk on eggshells around me. Is that too much to ask? Is it? Truly, I'd like to curl up into a fetal position right now but apparently I have TORN MY ROTATOR CUFF doing something extreme like LAUNDRY and I can't quite manage the flexibility necessary for such a feat. Because I am THAT OLD. So I'm in pain at the moment. You know, I'd love to become addicted to prescription pain pills but that's unlikely because I'm not disciplined enough to stick to anything long enough or do it regularly enough to actually become addicted. I've never even finished a full round of antibiotics. You have to have a certain amount of consistency to have an addictive personality.

So, I'm accepting advice and suggestions as to how to pull this thing off.

I'm going to go practice pulling out large tufts of hair, now.
Bye bye.
Sardine Mama


  1. If it makes you feel any better, (and I know it will) I regularly think "Holy crap! There's a crazy woman!! Totally insane!!" whenever I see you!

    Just kidding. I thought summer was supposed to be the downtime! But not for piano apparently. And there's no off season for Tae Kwon Do either. not lucky at all. If only your kids all played baseball and only baseball you would be done with this madness when the little league season was, over weeks ago.

    P.S. my mom recommends medicating with a shot of Tequila.

  2. The shot of Tequila is if all else fails! I know exactly what you are talking is called surviving peri-menopause while homeschooling, etc. along with teenagers in the house.

    Before the shot of Tequila I would take 10,000mg of Vitamin D3 & 2000mg of magnesium to keep calm. I was depleted in both during my peri-menopause. I also had a lock put on my bedroom door so I could lock myself in instead of killing someone and played lots of serene music.
    As far as forgetting who is suppose to be where, I color-coded all my kids schedules...each kid had their own color & I would write on a HUGE desk calendar, with different colored pens, where everyone was suppose to be and tape the calendar to the refrigerator (one of the few places I would look several times a day out of necessity to feed the hungry mob:)

    LAUNDRY: I couldn't do it all...mountains & mountains of laundry. Every kid got their own laundry hamper in their bedroom (that eliminated the mountain piling up in the laundry room & out the door, down the hall.) Each child had a specific day to do their own laundry...wash, fold, put away. If they forgot, tough...they would have to borrow someone else's underwear and go sockless. Saturday was for sheets, towels, etc.

    You just might need to take that shot for the pain in your rotator cuff but you could also get capsaicin cream (sold at HEB.) It takes the pain away in 30 seconds & lasts for 8 hours. Check it out at

    I know I've gone on way too just consider the above ramblings from a very old ex-homeschool mom ...take whatever works for you and remember, "This too shall pass." That was my mantra for 24 years of home education my children.

    Luv all you sardines,

  3. I just wanted to leave a general note of support for your quest to go completely insane. And finish a book, too. They both sound like awesome adventures, and you could actually do both at once, I'm sure.

  4. Xanax...seriously works. Not kidding. I felt the same way when my daughter graduated and then left for college. Got my doc to give me an Rx and they helped me make it thru. Still have about half of the original prescription of 30 - over 2 years later - won't get hooked on them. They really just help in stressful situations.