My Acceptance Speech...Cue the Music

I won (coerced) an award from my friend, Mark, over at Our Simple Lives. **I would just like to point out that Mark has fewer followers but receives WAY MORE COMMENTS. Just sayin'. Not that you people are lame on the commenting or anything. I would never come out and say that. Let's just say it might be the quality, not the quantity, you know? Like he has loyal followers. Not that you people aren't loyal. I would never come out and say that.** Anyway, he won the award from Jason, at The Jason Show. And if you visit their blogs and wonder what my connection is to these two gay bloggers...what can I say? We have a lot in common....families....humor....the love of gay men. I'm freaking versatile that way. And that's what the award is called. The Versatile Blogger Award. Here it is.

According to Webster, Versatile means "embracing a variety of subjects, fields, or skills." So yeah, that is me. It is a nicer way of saying I can't stick to any one subject or topic or whatever on my blog. Which is totally true. People tell me I need to make my blog more definable. "You're a writer! You need to have a Writer's Blog and talk about writing!!" Talk about depressing. Yes, I am a writer. When I'm blogging it usually means I tried to work on my novel, failed miserably, and ended up blogging instead. Just shoot me now. And when I'm in the Just Shoot Me Now kind of mood - I don't generally want to get all blabby about writing and how to write and writing themes and methods and other writers, etc. It was so stupid of me to try to take on fiction. I've never published fiction. And now that I've taken on fiction, I'm not publishing ANYTHING because I don't want to work on anything else.

"Make it like your old column used to be! A funny Mommy Blog thing!" "Old" column being the key part of that statement. I quit writing the old column. I found that sometimes doing funny on the keyboard was about as easy as kissing a snake. Pressure. Being funny is hard. I'm really not all that funny. Ask my kids.

"Be an inspirational homeschooling blogger!" Sometimes I can pull this one off. But again, if I'm blogging, I'm usually ignoring something else. Or five somethings elses (yes, I know that's not right - sounds totally off - another reason why maybe I shouldn't attempt the writing blog). If I'm sitting here blogging, I guarantee you that there are no teenagers nearby doing algebra. Little people are running around totally insane, medium to bigger-sized people are sleeping or hiding or texting or gaming or facebooking. Stellar homeschooling.

So mostly what I do on this blog is ramble while procrastinating. Usually? Blogging means my world is in total chaos and my house is falling apart around me. That's what's going on. So I ramble. And apparently, it makes me Versatile.

Part of the deal with the Versatile Blogger Award is that I'm supposed to pass it on to other bloggers. I'm also supposed to share 7 things about myself. I've honestly tried and tried to come up with 7 things you might now know about me. But I think I've shared everything. That is a shortcoming of mine, by the way. The over-abundance of sharing. My dad reads the blog through one squinted eye while groaning....(that's right, dad, i know you read it).

Seriously, I can't think of anything. Nothing quirky like eating breakfast out of the same Cool Whip bowl for decades (Mark you are a weirdo). No confessions like Jason's big whopper that he's never tried marijuana (we won't go there). Nothing!

Let me see if I can squeeze something out, here.....squeezing....squeezing....

1. I voted for Ronald Reagan 1984 because the president of the Young Republicans on my college campus invited me to a mixer and he was totally hot (and that is why the voting age should match the drinking age in this country. He even gave me a bumper sticker.) GOD I'M GLAD I FINALLY CONFESSED THAT.

squeezing....squeezing...

2. I'm afraid of the dark and when Jeff's gone the Little People are forced to sleep with me.

3. I watched Bruno and laughed the entire time.....but I'm ashamed of myself.

hmmm......

4. I know so many useless factoids about the Red Hot Chili Peppers....the albums, the tours, the band members (both former and current)....that seriously....if they knew about me they would probably be slightly alarmed. I've said before that I'm not a scary fan - but that probably isn't true. I would probably be scary to a Chili Pepper.

5. I have never been off my own continent.

two more to squeeze out....okay I'm now consulting Ellie

ummm....you're obsessed with drug addict guitarists and RHCP. I said that one already. Oh, well, you frighteningly considered dreadlocks for awhile. I've mentioned that on the blog, before. Oh, well, I got nothing else for you. That's depressing.

Camille says, "You're very smart, Mom!"

Well, that is a little known and certainly a rarely acknowledged fact, so...

6. I'm very smart.

Now I'm consulting Joel, who just crawled out of bed. You're funny and I get my funniness from you - you take real things that happen that aren't that funny and then when you say them you make them funny even though they weren't. Now stop talking to me. That is kind of called embellishing and non-fiction writers do it all the time and it isn't actual lying, especially when it is necessary to get through my day.

Now I'm asking Jasper. You get mad. Sometimes you're not, though. And when I ask you for something you ignore me. Woot! That would work if this were the Mother of the Year award, but it's not.

Still got nothing. Oh wait, Ellie's chiming in again. The first thing she said had to do with bathroom habits and I'm not bloggin' it. But now she's got a couple of good ones. You know how you think you breastfed Quannah Parker in a former life? Ooh! That's a good one. It really is. Although it is only a minor suspicion of mine. I'm not certain of it or anything weird like that. I mean, don't get me wrong. I had some connection with Quannah Parker in a previous life, just not sure I was his mother. So we're not going with that one.

Now I'm asking Jeff what he thinks a good factoid is about me. You're young and rebellious at heart. Okay, he had me at young and rebellious....the "at heart" thing indicates I am not physically, in actuality, young. Sigh. But we'll go with it.

7. I'm a rebel.

Now - to give this to another blogger or two.

I'm going to go with my friend over at My Spiritual Journey because she is versatile spiritually speaking....probably other ways, too. We are actual-physical-real-time friends. She is a beautiful writer. I can read about her beliefs and her journey and relate to it, enjoy it, soak it up, without feeling even slightly strange about my own lack of faith or spirituality. Her worldview and religious views are extremely broad and encompassing and welcoming and all of that stuff that usually is difficult to reconcile within a particular church and a particular faith.

Next, I'm going with Pam over at the Dayton Time. 'Cause she's pretty much my favorite blogger. She's a mommy blogger - a homeschooling blogger - a Tolerant Christian blogger (I have to point this out because in my world the two do not always go together) - a crafty gal (this fascinates me) - a baby-wearing, cloth diapering hippie (yay! me a few years ago) - and she is HEE-LARRY-US.

Okay, I don't want the religious folks to get all the glory, so I'm also giving it to Bore Me To Tears. Because I can. And because she says things I don't dare and I really appreciate the heck out of that.

Whew. This was a lot of work. Winning things is never easy.

Signing off as a Lucky Weiner