Monday, March 12, 2012

It Takes Some Balls

So during my blogging break things kept happening and I would think, this would be funny to blog about, only I wouldn't because I was taking a blogging break.  I probably can't remember all of them, but I can remember a few.  Since it is Monday - I'm going to try to do a M thru F Things I Should Have Blogged About And Didn't series.  What do you think?

I'm spinning my Mental Wheel.....and I've landed on what I shall call the Balls in Politics Story.

Oh! And I'm NOT going to blog about Rush.  I'm so totally not going to do that.  Although, if I WERE going to do that - I would say he's an A-Hole.  Right now, at this very moment, I'm strongly resisting the urge to talk about Rush.  Like....trying REALLY hard not to. 

I resisted! I did!  My pulse is still up a bit - but I resisted.  I'm going to talk about Texas Politics as I experience it on a daily basis.  Here's my blog-worthy story:

I had pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store and was gathering up all of my Liberal Commie Canvas Reusable Bags.  My door was open while I did this, and a gentleman approached me.

He had an impressive ZZ Top beard, a gimme cap, and a big smile.  I wasn't alarmed at all - he was grinning from ear to ear.  Honestly, I thought he was going to ask me if I had jumper cables or something ridiculous like that - I mean - I'm sure I have some but honestly.... 

"Howdy," he said, tipping his gimme cap and grinning.

"Howdy," I said.  Because we're in Texas.

Camille pokes her head over from the back seat.  And we wait, expectantly, for this gentleman to ask us if we have jumper cables or possible $1 for the Mad Dog Fund.

He chuckles a little, winks, and says, "Girl, you got some balls with them bumper stickers."

I had not expected that.  He walked off, shaking his head and chuckling, and when he drove off?  He had Honest To God Balls hanging from his truck.
I wanted to shout, "No, dude! YOU have balls!"  But I was kind of in shock from the attack on my bumper stickers.  Now then, unless this guy has something against large families or the Red Hot Chili Peppers...

I think he might have been talking about these...
They're old and I need new ones.  But seriously, I think this is what he was referring to.  'Cause we're in Texas. And this was seen as unusual and alarming.  And it's just the beginning, because once the Republican primaries are over - I'm going to start getting The Finger on a regular basis and I really hate that.  Especially when I have my kids in the car and people whiz past (often with a Christian Fish Symbol) and flip us off with all kinds of class and whatnot.  At least the parking lot guy didn't do that.  He just said "balls" in front of my precious 9-year-old daughter.  By the way, when telling this story, I am often asked what I said in response.  I do not recollect saying anything, but Camille assures me that I said Thank You.  I can believe this because, when push comes to shove and I am speechless, I can totally see myself falling back on my sweet southern girl manners.

"You've got balls, little lady!"

"Why, thank you sir!"

Yeah.  Apparently, it went something like that.

While I'm bizarrely posting pictures of my bumper stickers online, let me show you the rest.  This here is PROOF that I didn't wait until Rick Perry made a national spectacle of himself before withholding my support.  I voted for Bill White for governor - and I keep the sticker up because I'm: a) too lazy to remove it and b) just a tad bit obnoxious.
Signing Off With Balls,
Sardine Mama


  1. Look, I know that I'm supposed to find it trashy to have those balls hanging from a pickup truck, but they totally work for me. I'll stop there.
    But, you do have some balls putting up those stickers. Especially where you live. You may be in store for an old fashion lynchin'.
    I agree though, that guy did have a lot of nerve talking to you that way in front of Camille. He probably could have gone further if she were not there.
    Anyway, I'm gonna leave now with nice memories of him in his beard and his "male" pickup truck.
    Your Friend, m.

  2. Oh my Precious Mark - thank you for the comment. I'm only responding because it ups my comment count to 2 :). As for the ZZ Top guy, I don't think he thought he was being disrespectful. And seeing as how Camille has 2 teenage brothers, she has heard the word balls (and others) before. In fact, when she was performing in the Nutcracker, the puns around here were fairly unbearable.

  3. Hurray for M to F posts, and here's me adding comment # 3 hoping it will convince you to stop taking breaks that take for everrrrr.

    I'm not witty like Mark though, so this is it for now!

  4. Hey, I know I'm a little late on this but in my defense I JUST NOW saw it and I'm glad I did too because this post was a rare treat. It makes me feel good to know I'm not the only "damn dirty liberal" in Texas. And if there were more people like you around I don't think I'd feel quite so isolated, depressed and repressed. Texas can be a sad opressive place. We need more brave independent outspoken people like you go, girl! Flaunt those Big Beautiful Balls! :)