Thursday, October 25, 2012

Petty Pointless Bagging

I've been a mess, friends. Some Big Things have been going on and I don't do well with Big Things.
Big Things like:

MY NOVEL. Query-writing sucks so bad. It really really does. You know what's worse? The rejections that follow. I've received a couple. You know what's worse? The Requests for Fulls that I'm convinced are flukes because I want Everyone (!!) to Love Me (!!) All the Time (!!)

Neurotic Much?

Anyway - so I have fulls out. That's good. But it makes me insane for reals. Like I go from being all sad and morose and wallowing like a BOSS to YAY! Hooray! This is WONDERFUL!! I'm toying with the idea of becoming bi-polar. Like full-up total bi-polar. I'll let you know what I decide.

Also? POLITICS. ELECTION. I know I'm just a silly woman but I have concerns about these things anyway.

Also also? Ellie had a solo recital and it went really well but you guys know I psychically hold that concert grand together with my BRAIN while she plays. It's exhausting. And Jasper tortured me throughout the entire thing by loudly squeaking his seat - it was one of those that pops up when you're not sitting in it so yeah - he did that. A lot. In several seats. When it was over, he curled himself up in the fetal position during the reception, alarming at least one college student who seemed to want me to do something about it. I slid a plate of crackers over to him (he was on the floor) and a few minutes later the crackers were gone. I looked hopefully at the college student but he remained dubious of my parenting skills.

He didn't realize Jasper needs time to "acclimate." Last weekend I took him on a roller coaster and as it climbed up for the first drop he yelled, "I'm not acclimated!!" He's like that.

Also also also? I have a sick friend. Like really sick. As in chemo sick. Chemo sick sucks.

So let's talk about Petty Things, shall we? To take my mind off it all?

I got a new car. It is red. If you look in my closet you will find exactly ZERO red things. There's a reason for that. I look like sh*t in red. I won't wear it in a t-shirt, a lipstick, or a nail polish. But apparently it's okay to drape myself in tons and tons of it and then become mobile. If you see me, I totally apologize for looking washed out. It's red! Gah.

Also? I have a pet peeve that has nothing to do with red cars and everything to do with our culture's obsession with bags. As in plastic bags. Or paper bags, really. Why is it that people want to put everything they buy in a bag? People buy a bag of chips - it gets put in a bag. A bag of bread? In a bag. A bag of potatoes? In a bag. WHY?? Why can't you just carry the bag of bread you carried to the register out to your car? Why must you place it in another bag first? I just watched a guy buy a soda at a convenience store. A single soda. That he was going to drink on the spot. It was put in a bag, first. He'd taken it out of the bag and tossed the bag in the trash before he was out the door. It stayed in the bag for like two feet, people.

And when I take my pinko commie canvas reusable bags in the store? They try to slip a plastic bag in anyway! God forbid the Q-Tips end up right up against a package of spaghetti - all naked and rubbing right up against it. We need to put it in plastic bag first, and THEN put it in the commie bag. Because it's technically a toiletry item. Or some such nonsense. OR the bagger will put like one item in each bag so he can run out of my reusable bags and be forced to pop out plastic for my remaining 900 items. This happens while the cashier is distracting me. It's like a THING THEY DO ON PURPOSE.

And why, you ask, does this petty sh*t bother me? Because it keeps me from worrying about queries, kids, my rights possibly going down the toilet, and sick friends.


Keeps me sane.

Oh mah God - I almost forgot. I'm on The Twitter. I say that in the voice of an old, Jewish man. I'm on The Twitter. I have No Idea What I'm Doing. And there's always the chance I'll go all Courtney Love on The Twitter and you wouldn't want to miss that

Signing Off @sardinemama


  1. Bags are awesome.
    They are useful and cute and I regularly defy the Laws of Physics And Stuff by the sheer amount of shite I can cram in a bag.
    They hold your knitting project all together so that when your husband sits on it inadvertently , it won't come unraveled and make you go bat shite whack job and stab him in his sleep.
    If your bag is large enough,you can carry one or more small children, and possibly rescue starving kitties or little birds that have fallen out of the nest.
    Bags are like people; they come in all shapes and sizes, and are full of interesting things. Also, when I am sick of people, I can count on my bags to not be irritating as shit, and I always know that they will not say anything stupid. Ever.
    My bags also do not vote Republican. True, they do not vote at all, but that is preferable to voting Republican every day of the week. My bags also do not tell people who they are allowed to marry, or anything. They keep their mouths shut, and are always lending a helping hand. Er, strap.
    Bags are awesome.
    The End.

  2. Oh my John someone is overly concerned with bags. ;)

  3. Crap, now I have to learn how to use the Twitters. I've gone so long without the Twits of the world, I was so happy. I really don't like learning new things. Now, now the panic is starting to set in. What if I miss some important tidbit or piece of wisdom you have because I just can't figure out the Twitters. You know, I just thought of something. You are a an unschooler, you can't MAKE me learn this. *sigh of relief*

  4. That's right, Carri. I don't believe in making anybody learn anything. What I CAN do, however, is whine until they are willing to do anything ANYTHING AT ALL to get me to shut up. {Carri - get on Twitter!! Carri, Carri, Carri - get on Twitter!! Hey, Carri!!! Get on Twitter!} See? I can do that. A lot. I'm still learning. It's all very random to me. I'm afraid to say anything because I feel like I'm butting in and the entire Twitter-dom will stop what it's doing and awkwardly look at me. I have like 30 massively disappointed followers. You should be one. {Carri, get on the Twitter!}

  5. I'm way too long-winded for Twitter, and I find it annoying for my words to be censored by a machine. So have fun with it!

    That said, the computer is getting its revenge, and I'm failing every word verification. Sigh.