Suck Suck Slurp Slurp

There is a place where time is literally sucked out of thin air. Where does it go? I have no idea, really. But it goes there fast. The place? Is called facebook. And I'm sick and tired of it. In fact, that is my official status update: Sardine Mama is sick and tired of facebook. And in another ten minutes I shall frantically log into facebook to see if anyone likes my status by giving me a little thumbs-up sign. And an hour later I'll get off of facebook and wander bleary-eyed through my house wondering what month it is. BUT - at the end of the hour I will know the personality types of my friends, whether or not they approve of making dog fighting a felony, what five men they would like to see standing at the ends of their beds, and the fifteen books that changed their lives.

I have a lot of facebook friends. Not a lot by the average teen standard, but a lot by my standards. The definition of "friend" in the giant Time-Suck-Hole is different from the definition of "friend" in the real world. Often, facebook friends are people you've never had a real conversation with. They're friends of friends, or people who went to the same high school but wouldn't sit with you at lunch or acknowledge you in the hall. I'm friends with my kids and with their friends, which is sometimes awkward and sometimes hilarious....and sometimes convenient. For example, I find it convenient when my son tells me he's doing one thing and his facebook status tells me he's doing something else. And I love it when his status says he's bored. Really. Because I always have plenty for him to do. Actually, he has pretty much stopped saying he is bored on facebook. It really didn't work out too well for him.

Some of my facebook friends are people I would know if I bumped into them in the grocery store but who I wouldn't go out of my way to exchange pleasantries with. So it is somewhat surreal that, via facebook, I suddenly know what they just had for dinner, what they're planning to watch on television, that they just went grocery shopping, and they're considering a piercing. And when you're really lost in the Time-Suck-Hole you think that these are important things to know. You know, someone posts that they found cantaloupe on sale at the local market and you enthusiastically give it the thumbs-up. "I like this!!" you say. "I like that you found cantaloupe on sale! I don't know how many kids you have or what your husband's name is or how old you are...but I am frickin' thrilled to death that you found a deal on melons! I like it! I like it a lot!" If I am really REALLY lost in the Time-Hole-Suck I will add a comment about my own experiences with cantaloupe. I might comment that I prefer honeydew or that the last time I bought cantaloupe it was not very sweet. Then someone else will comment that I must not be checking for ripeness and list instructions for picking out sweet cantaloupe....someone else floating around lost in the Time-Suck-Hole.

People share all sorts of bizarre stuff on facebook via quizzes and status updates...and I am no exception. I recently shared that I could be easily caught in a trap if the bait were Sawyer (from LOST), Russell Brand, Patron Tequila, Haruki Murakami novels, and absolutely no children. This was through one of the "5 Things" quizzes. I love those. A long conversation of comments and several thumbs-ups followed my announcement. This encouraged me to take another quiz....something like 5 Things Within My Reach I Could Use To Defend Myself! And that loud sucking sound in the background? Time, baby. Suck, suck, suck....like milk through a straw.

Political status updates are also big on facebook. It is a passive aggressive way for people to thumb their noses.....and it, of course, encourages an avalanche of thumbs-upping from like-minded friends. A virtual rah rah session. What it doesn't EVER do, however, is make someone go "Oh my God! My sister's friend from high school who now lives in Wisconsin is against the Health Care Bill! I will be against the Health Care Bill, too! Because I value her opinion THAT MUCH."

And how many times in the past week have I seen "I Didn't Vote For Obama and I Stand By My Vote!!" or "I Voted For Obama and I Stand By My Vote!!" I am sometimes tempted to use a lot of exclamation points to shout out who I voted for, but I don't. For one thing, everyone knows who I voted for. For another, I have friends who didn't vote the same way. So the purpose of that is......what....exactly? I don't know. Maybe it is because I am the minority voice here, but I really don't like talking about politics unless there is a purpose to the conversation. I will share frustrations with like-minded friends....and I'll share an opinion when asked.....but I won't just throw something out there to start something. I'd prefer to talk to my friends about things we have in common (which are often some pretty important things) over the things about which we differ. I don't appreciate having someone attempt to change my mind about an issue, and I don't try to change the opinions of my friends. Especially by using lots of exclamation points!! On facebook!!

I am also often invited to join groups - many of them Christian in their orientation. Which is an indicator of how many of my facebook friends are not my real-life friends. My Christian real-life friends know that I'm not going to join their club. How many times have I been asked to join the group to "Remind Obama That This Is A Christian Nation!!" Oy. No thanks. I don't care to live in a religious state, especially one that isn't my religion.

However, if you invite me to join the group called "Tell Dick Cheney To Shut The Hell UP!!" I will join in a heartbeat. And did, in fact. But inviting my Republican friends to join the group would be rather offensive to them, don't you think? I would really like to form a group dedicated to convincing people to STOP TALKING TO SARAH PALIN AND THEN PRINTING WHAT SHE SAYS!! SHE'S NOT EVEN A GOVERNOR ANYMORE!! BECAUSE SHE QUIT!! BECAUSE THE ELITIST LIBERAL MEDIA PRINTED LIES ABOUT HER AND SHE GOT TIRED OF IT AND FOCUSED ON IT INSTEAD OF RUNNING THE STATE!! WHICH IS NOT A GOOD LEADERSHIP QUALITY IN A PRESIDENT!! But again, I wouldn't hit a "send all" on the "join this group!!" invitation.

Facebook also has games. Lots of games. Because it cannot stop sucking time. And nothing sucks time like the "I'm only going to play this 3-minute game 10 more times" mentality. And of course, at the end of the gaming, it will be time to see how many thumbs-ups you received for your status update....CAROL IS LISTENING TO THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS WHILE SHE PLAYS GAMES!! Other people lost in the Time-Suck-Hole love it when status updates indicate they are not alone.

Oh well. Call it procrastinating or social networking - it is all the same. A big Time-Suck-Hole. And speaking of Time-Suck-Holes....I need to get caught up on reading some blogs.

Later Dudes! Signing off as Sardine Mama - who is typing away and totally ignoring that disgusting sucking/slurping sound in the background.

Yankings on the Apron Strings

First of all - congratulations to 9 (+) Texans for being the first to comment with recommended books for me! Her free copy of Haruki Murakami's Hardboiled Wonderland and the Edge of the World is on its way. Yes, I know this looks slightly suspicious with 9(+) Texans being my Best Conservative Friend and all. But the girl was numero uno of the (massive) 5 of you who responded (thanks by the way....I'm not alone after all). My BCF has a trigger finger with the responses. Anyway, she deserves it because she has 8 kids and some of them are teenage boys, so you can see how she might need some form of escapism. Of course the kind of escapism she'd really like would involve a corkscrew but she'll be happy with a really bizarre Japanese novel, instead. Because she really can't afford to dull her senses over there.



Today has been a big day for me. My Big Girl got her driver's license. I was so thrilled that I'd brought all of the required forms with me that at first I didn't even realize we'd passed the big finish line. "Here you go," the DPS employee said, as she passed Ellie her license. "OK, thanks," Ellie said and then spun around and sauntered out the door with me behind her going, "Ellie! You got your license! Oh my God!!!! Aren't you excited? Can you believe it?"


To which Ellie looked perplexed (how many times has this so-not-me -kid given me that look over the past almost seventeen years) and said, "Well, I'm happy but I'm not surprised because, you know, we came here to get it and I've had my learner's permit and this didn't just fall out of thin air and all.....you know.....I expected to get it......"



Me? I am endlessly surprised by this whole parenting gig. When Ellie was born I couldn't believe it. Even though I'd been pregnant for 9 months I was like, "Oh my God!! I had a baby! Can you believe it?" and if I remember correctly Ellie looked at me like, "What did you think was in there? A porcupine?" And so it has continued over and over and over. She is not surprised by her life - she doesn't understand the miraculousness of it - and I can't stop being surprised by it. It is like, "Wow, I made this little thing and now it is just up and doing all of this stuff by itself! Will wonders never cease?"



I have 5 kids, but everything Ellie does is a "first". Everything! Isn't that crazy? I never stop being thrilled, surprised, and amazed etc etc etc etc....I think my enthusiasm must exhaust her. Of course the other kids do firsts, too. But not as many because there are a somewhat limited number that can be pulled out of the hat, so to speak. They still manage, though! They all are unique individuals with their own interests and talents - the other 4 do things Ellie doesn't do. And it is thrilling! But it is the ordinary things that will always be extraordinary with the first kid. Things like getting a driver's lisence. I know I'll be proud in two years when Joel gets his - but I doubt I'll freak out about it like I did today with Ellie. She's forever breaking me in.



We're not the only family getting broken in on firsts. Ellie's best friend since she was itty bitty is (gulp) leaving for college in a couple of weeks (at the ripe old age of 16). Last night was his going away party.

Great group of kids...we're so lucky that this is the group ours' fell into. And speaking of firsts.....two of Ellie's friends are getting married (to each other) next year and Ellie will be a bridesmaid in the wedding. They're older than she is (obviously) and this is just one of the things I SO LOVE about homeschooling. My kids have always hung out with kids of various ages, giving them lots of opportunities to benefit from role models and to be role models for others.


The oldest kids in the group are now all in college but still hanging out with their younger friends, too. Last week Ellie went to the movies with friends who included a married couple, an engaged couple, and three teens....all of them genuine friends. It is so cool! And Ellie's little crowd has stretched recently to embrace Joel. Joel will be 15 in September and he is truly becoming a teen....wandering around with his IPod, strumming his guitar, talking bands and movies and hanging out with Ellie.....and at other times being a little boy by wrestling on the ground with his younger brothers or chasing his younger friends (who he adores) with NERF guns or playing with LEGO's. He feels so safe in either environment and it is fun watching him seamlessly glide between his two worlds - both of which welcome him with open arms.



I remember being so sad when Ellie somewhat left Joel behind to quit playing with toys and began listening to music for hours on end, reading books, hanging out with friends instead of playing with friends.... But it was okay. Joel simply shifted his attention to Jules and they became inseparable. But now he is shifting and leaving Jules behind...and I have talked to Jules about it and he says, "It's okay, Mom. I'll grow up, too, someday." Jules is always the one who gets to me with his little statements of simple truth.


So Jules is now playing with the youngest two more often. This is thrilling for them and makes Jules feel worshipped and glorified - which is good for him. Speaking of Jules, he performed in a piano recital yesterday. He did very well, considering the fact that he does not take piano lessons :).


It was at Ellie's young piano students' recital. Camille is taught by Ellie so, of course, she was in the recital. This was expected. What was NOT expected was Jules coming out of his room dressed in black slacks, a white dress shirt, and tie. I was like, "Uh, Jules, you don't have to dress up just to watch Camille's recital."


Jules said to me, "Oh, I'm playing in the recital, too."



Ellie happened to be passing through the room and she was like, "What? Dude, you don't take lessons."



"Oh, I know," he said. "I just made up a song."


Ellie looked at him as he stood there, you know, dressed for a funeral. I couldn't tell what she was thinking. It was her call. She opened her mouth and said, "Whatever. But make it short."



He did. (Look at Ellie's face as she watches/tolerates him).

And here is Camille performing her songs. She did great!
And here is little Matthew. He is not mine but he is wearing a super cool hat and I had to put him on the blog :)


So tonight I'm wondering just how far my apron strings can stretch. Can they stretch down the highway, following a teal green '94 Cadillac that my firstborn bought with her own money? Can they hold onto a boy who is becoming a man - a process of which I know nothing about? This is all new to me....all of these firsts...... And in the back of my mind I know that eventually? The strings are going to break. Because that is what is supposed to happen. And that is both amazingly awesome and not entirely fair.

So tonight I'm signing off with my apron strings tied up in knots, so to speak. Which is okay by me. It is when they're left hanging limp that I'll be in trouble.

Sardine Mama

Book Review Time! Yay!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!! (Deep Inhalation....)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK


Whew. I feel better, now. Rough day. Sorry to mention this again, but we're talking incredibly freakishly hot. Don't we have air conditioning, you ask? Yes we do. But we just broke a record for the number of consecutive days of triple digit temperatures and this means my kids are going stir crazy. It is too dang hot for them to go outside and so they are, ya know, INSIDE. All The Time. So Am I. As in, we're together, inside, all the time. Get it?


So it has been a rough and noisy day here in the can.


Even though we can't tell from the thermometer...summer is almost over. I can't believe it! We made it to the beach once (see previous post) and that is all. I did not get my little sanity break with my hubby that I like to take.....well, I did get a little break but it didn't involve books on the beach alone...and that is what I really look forward to. I mean, don't get me wrong. I love taking the kids to the beach, too. Tons of fun and all. And I do know that someday I will have an empty nest and childless vacations yada yada yada....but I need some time alone NOW occasionally. As in once a year. Nothing makes me happier than sitting on the beach all day while Jeff works, reading and staring out at the surf without constantly counting bobbing heads, or re-applying sunscreen to sandy bodies, or fixing sandy sandwiches...you get the point. But this summer it just didn't happen. Oh well. At least I wasn't nursing sandy babies or toddlers on sandy breasts or changing sandy diapers! Done that plenty of times, too.


So speaking of books and reading and summer.....I am done with Haruki. I love him. I adore him. (I'm pretty sure he would love me and adore me, too...if we ever happened to meet.) BUT. Sometimes love just isn't enough. Haruki has just pushed all of my buttons for the last time. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle was the last straw. It was a beautiful book with delightful characters and just enough weird stuff (Murakami likes cats, sheep, and parallel universes) to keep it interesting. The only thing it didn't have (along with every other Haruki Murakami book I've ever read - and I've read a bunch 'cause I'm weird that way) is an ending that explained any one of the previous 400 or so pages. Hmph. Really. How much of this nonsense is a girl supposed to take?


I have considered learning Japanese. I'm thinking that a lot is getting lost in translation. If only I could read it in Japanese - surely I would understand it? Probably not. That would be a hoot. Spending years learning Japanese only to read a Murakami book and get to the end and go, "What???? Are you freaking kidding me????" Not gonna do it.


So. I have read a few books this summer. And I mean a few. As in I cannot believe how few. What does that mean? It isn't as if I have had an especially busy summer.....usually I read way more....so you can see I have some major reading to do during the last days of summer.


Here's the deal: I'll tell you what I've read if you tell me what you've read. I need to add to my end-of-summer reading list. I'll read anything. I think I've already proven that with the whole Murakami thing. So let me hear it. What have you read this summer? I want lots of comments. In fact, if you are the first person to respond I will give you a big old HOORAY on my blog. This is worth a ton of money, by the way. Well, no it isn't. So I'll go a step further. If you are the first person to leave book reviews in my comments - I will send you my favorite Murakami book....Hard Boiled Wonderland and the Edge of the World. SO THERE. I almost understood that one.


Here is the list.


1. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami. I highly recommend it although you will not understand it unless you are way smarter than me and that isn't possible. I don't mean that. Yes, I do. No, I don't. Actually - seriously - read it. If you love characters you'll love Murakami. I love his characters. They are wonderful. They are quirky. They become my best friends...which is sort of sad....but anyway - yes, read it!

2. God Without Religion by Sankara Saranam. Great introduction by Arun Gandhi. But then it got kind of weird. Not kind of. It got weird. I didn't finish it. Interesting, though. Kind of. I like the idea of God Without Religion.... because I don't do religion but I do do God. That sounded bad. I don't do God. But I saw a Sarah Silverman episode where she did God. Ack. See? Bad me. Even thinking that way. What I mean is I'm all for the idea of God. Without Religion. Which is the name of the book. I don't think I'll finish it but won't go so far as to not recommend it. Because you might like it. Who knows?


3. Lisey's Story by Stephen King. Typical Stephen King book. This one started off a bit slow, but picked up at the end. Didn't like the end, though. But I did pick up the new word of "smucking".


4. On Writing by Stephen King. Recommended to me by my friend, Amy. Simply the best (and by far the most entertaining) book I've ever read about writing. Didn't do much for my writing, though. Except for this here blog - I'm still not doing any.


5. Interview With a Vampire by Anne Rice. I was inspired to re-read this book after watching the movie from Netflix. I loved the movie so much - Tom Cruise is awesome as Lestat. And a beautifully young Brad Pitt as Louis was...well....beautiful. Watched it with Ellie and she laughed through most of it. She also poo-pooed Pitt as a "pretty boy", which she apparently finds unattractive. She didn't make it through the book, either. I love the book. I love Anne Rice. I even read one of her Jesus books and loved that, too. What was it called? Out of Egypt? And of course, I love both Jesus and Louis, the world's most depressed and longest suffering vampire. That's Louis, not Jesus. Although Jesus is also known for his suffering.


6. Speaking of Anne Rice, I will admit to her erotic novel, Beauty, the first in a trilogy. A friend told me that it was the only Anne Rice book she'd ever read and that it was pornographic (don't know if she finished it, or not). I was not knowing of the pornographic Anne Rice books. So of course, I ordered Beauty right away. I was extremely disappointed by the time I got to the second chapter, and by the time I arrived at the third I had lost all interest. So I didn't finish it. It wasn't my cup of tea, so to speak. She wrote it under a pen name and I can see why.


7. Pitcairn's Island by Whoever Wrote Pitcairn's Island. This was the end of the Mutiny on the Bounty trilogy that Joel and I read. It was soooooo sad. And interesting. Of the 3, I loved Men Against the Sea the best. Sometimes it is just good to get out a classic or two or three.


Speaking of classics, we're currently reading

8. Lord of the Flies and


9. The Yearling. Jules is mostly snoozing through The Yearling but I love it love it love it love it. But then again, I like the nature stuff....loved Thoreau's Walden.


My bigger kids all re-read


8. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince over the summer. They wanted to refamiliarize themselves with it before we went to see the movie, which was rocking awesome, of course!


The kids have all been reading this summer and except for Potter, I'm not going to try and list them all. I'm lucky in that they love to read. Even my dyslexic kid loves to read. (We recently had a little visitor over who is just so intrigued by the whole homeschooling gig - he was like, "Do you guys have to read books?" and my kids were like, "We LOVE to read books!" and he was like, "so you have reading time?" and they were like, "It's always reading time!" And it is. Except for when it's not. And then I don't make a big deal out of it. I refuse to force them to read. So far, I've never even been tempted.)


OK - here's the deal AND I MEAN IT. Let me know what you've read!! We've been pitifully lacking of comments, lately. Free book to commenter number one. The only string attached is that you have to explain the ending to me when you're done - okay?


Start listing books. Cook books, spiritual books, self-help books, parenting books, erotic books, mysteries, brain candy for the beach.....whatever. Start typing.


Signing off as a Waiting Sardine Mama.

A Trip to Remember?

Have you missed me? I have been off....Somewhere. Everywhere. Nowhere. All at once. To be more specific, we just returned from the Texas Gulf Coast. It was as relaxing as any trip with five children and one grandpa in a travel trailer can be. It was a trip that needed taking, a trip through time, a trip to be remembered and then forgotten and then remembered again in such a way that will leave us wondering if it was the trip where the mosquitoes attacked or the one where the wind blew down our shelter....the one with the sunburn, perhaps?


But it will always be remembered by me as the trip that was taken after Stevie died. The one where I tried to act normal, and in fact, often felt normal....except for the moments I didn't.

My brother has died. And at first I wasn't going to blog about it because it is too personal. And I know what you're thinking....that surely someone who has just recently blogged about breasts cannot have anything be too personal to blog about. But you're wrong. A lot of my life is too personal to blog about. And Stevie has always been a part of that personal life. But since this blog is meant to be somewhat of a journal for me, how strange would it be not to mark the time that Stevie died? How strange, indeed?

There is too much to write here about Stevie. There is too much to share. There is too much to hold in. There is too much to regret and too little to remember about my autistic brother with Down Syndrome.

So I'll close with this image of Camille, instead.....she is looking out at the Gulf, which was brown and choppy on this particular afternoon....watching it churn and jump and swirl....not thinking about how if we had come on another day it might have been lovely and smooth and clear as glass...beautiful and green and peaceful. Not thinking at all about what might have been....

Signing Off as Stevie's Little Sister

A Little Support Please!

I know this is getting boring - the whole "me repeatedly mentioning how hot it is in every blog post" - but seriously - it is HOT! If you think you're getting bored with it imagine how I feel! I wish it would freaking cool down to 98 or something. GOSH. But it makes me feel better to know it is only a Natural Warming Trend that is leading my back yard to full-fledged desert status. Knowing it is "natural" means that there is nothing I can do about it and then I can go back to watching TV or whatever. If I thought that my huge gas-guzzling van, or my AC, or the mercury-belching coal plant a little north of here, was contributing to this sizzling problem then I might have to do something.....so yeah. Major relief. It is just a Natural Warming Trend. How convenient. We wouldn't want anything inconvenient because that would be political.

Anyway - what to do during a Natural Warming Trend Of Which I Have Nothing To Do With? Go to one of our favorite cool places, of course! With my BCF (Best Conservative Friend) also known as 9 (+)Texans, and her kids, of course! In our big, gigantic gas-guzzling busses, of course!

We headed to Landa Park which is in the nearby town of New Braunfels, Texas. I went to this park when I was a little kid and am thrilled to be able to take my own kids there. When I was a kid, by the way? No Natural Warming Trend. It was hot during the summer - but our school was un-airconditioned and nobody died. Now? Someone would die. Anyway, enough of that. Here is a pic of the Landa Park Spring-fed Pool.

Yeah, that big slide-thing is way fun. And the water is cold! Yay! You don't know how rare a cold pool is during the Natural Warming Trend. The local pool we usually visit feels like a warm bathtub. So the cold spring-fed pool at Landa feels great! There's lots of shade and a shallow area for the little guys to go down a slide, hop on the lilly pads, and chase fishies. And speaking of chasing.....9 (+) Texans has her hands full with Little Lu Lu who is 3 and just runs all over the dang place. 9 (+) Texans should do something about that. Little Lu Lu was EVERYWHERE. And she moves considerably faster than 9 (+) Texans, who also has a 1-year-old, who I call The Snail because he always leaves behind a slimy trail. (At our 4th of July party he left a lovely trail throughout my home that included a toilet bowl brush in my bedroom - I followed the puddles to find it - and a liter bottle of soda that had been mouthed by someone who had recently eaten a chocolate brownie....fairly disgusting). Anyway, she also has a 5-year-old and a whole slew of medium-to-big-sized kids who play with my medium-to-big-sized kids.

*I AM GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT.

That's right. Starting today. In fact, I might be losing weight right now. Yesterday, while at the spring-fed pool I stuck with the local custom of wearing a swimsuit. Bleh.

Here I have this brand new awesomely sexy tattoo on my foot and the part of me from the knees up does not match the awesomely sexy rest of me. And I kept seeing women my age running around in little skirt suits (and not the cute skirt suits, either - because there are some cute skirt suits) with their tattooed shoulders or whatever and I just don't want to end up in a skirt suit with a tattoo. Now then, don't get me wrong. I probably NEED a skirt suit. But it doesn't match my tattoo, ya know? It just doesn't.

I was wearing a really pretty dark brown suit with shirring on the sides (supposed to be flattering but all the shirring in the world can't move eyes away from my thighs). The suit came with little inserts for the breast area. If I keep gaining weight I am going to be forced to refer to my breasts as my "bosom" and so that is another reason to trim down...anyway - so I promptly lost the little inserts because I lose everything and they weren't sewn in. No matter. They're just little inserts, right? Wrong. They helped give some much need firmness and a little bit-o-lift. I need a lot of lift, but every little bit helps.

I wore the suit anyway. Screw the inserts.

So I disrobed. I stood at the pool in my lovely brown shirred suit. And Ellie (16) says, "So can you adjust those straps?" She says this with her little smirk. She stares at my bosom. God did I say bosom? I meant breasts. "I lost the inserts!" I say. "So what?" I say.

"Let me adjust your straps," says Ellie. And she does. My bosom (dang!) is lifted a millimeter.

"There!" she says with her smirk. "That's better."

"Yeah, you just wait," I said. "When I was your age I didn't need inserts."

"Well, Mom, I will not need inserts because I have willpower."

WHAT? Seriously, what the eff is this about?

"Karen," I say to my friend. "Did you know Ellie plans to hold up her breasts with will power?"

"Oh," says Karen. "I don't have will power."

Well, that was obvious but I wasn't going to say anything because she is my friend.

So what is it that this kid thinks causes the downward migration of breasts? Here I was thinking it was because I had breastfed her and her four siblings (YOU'RE WELCOME) and gravity and age and the loss of elasticity due to age and how many times have I said age? God. Seriously. God. Give me the strength not to kill her and her unsupported breasts. THAT is going to take some freakin' will power.

Hah! I did it! 9 (+) Texans challenged me to blog about will power AND the toilet bowl brush incident in one post. I did it.

I am the master. Now if I could only will my breasts to perk up.

Signing Off as as the under-supported (in so many ways) Sardine Mama

My Summer Schedule? Ha!

"So, Carol, what is your summer schedule right now?"

This was a question posed to me by Michismusings at our homeschool co-op yesterday. And it is also the subject of today's post. Because I needed one.

I didn't know how to answer Michi because I wasn't even sure what day it was. Because it is summer. And summer is a blur. A hot blur.

Yes, folks, it is VERY hot here. Extremely hot. Unbelievably, uncomfortably, unmistakably HOT. It is reaching 105 pretty much every day. As a matter of fact, Jeff just returned home from the tractor parts store where he heard the official tractor parts store weather forecast from tractor parts store guys and they said it is the hottest it has ever been in July for this many consecutive days. As in Ever In The History of Texas. Now, granted, this news came from the tractor parts store but I'm bettin' these fellas are right. It is crazy hot. And this is making me crazy because it is making my kids crazy that they cannot play outside for several hours a day like they're used to doing and like they absolutely NEED to do. Jasper is actually showing signs of clinical insanity. Truly, you should see him. Or hear him. The kid is going whacko. He is getting some outdoor time, though. When he gets really awful he is placed on the front porch. He immediately steps off of the front porch and walks around to the back porch and comes back in the house. This ritual only provides us with about 40 seconds of silence but if you do it enough times throughout the day it adds up.

Anyway, back to my schedule. I don't have one.

The closest thing I have to a schedule is our Friday co-op which is meeting on the Fridays that nobody is on vacation or at camp or work. And even then, when we do meet (like yesterday) we kind of all sit around chatting and sipping and taking turns putting Jasper on the porch.

During the school year (and I use that term lightly) we are more structured with our co-op. But this is summer, right? Yesterday the small-sized students took off (probably running from Jasper) to play, the medium-sized boys immediately plugged themselves in to some mind-altering game, and the big-sized kids (all being of the somewhat serious firstborn variety) began checking their biology homework. This gave the teachers time to begin a conversation about sexuality. I don't remember how it came about, who brought it up first, etc....but it was a great discussion. It might have started because one of our friends has been talking a lot about spirituality in sexuality....her church is going to be conversing about this topic. There are apparently a lot of books written that connect religion/spirituality/Christianity to sex.....most of which I find fairly icky but some of which are quite lovely.

Anyway, after that I did a little science with the small ones - talking about molecules and atoms. And let me just say that the book series I'm using with this group is simply fantastic. I love Little Scientists Hands-On Activities! The lessons are short and the experiments are simple and THEY WORK! Those of you who homeschool know how exciting (and rare) this is. We finished the book on physics and have just started chemistry.


Then I unplugged the medium-sized boys and we moved on into the Viking age. Boys love Vikings. Vikings are cool. Sorta like pirates only colder. We use The Story of the World series. They don't delve into much detail, so Joel usually learns quite a bit more from other resources (history is one of his thangs), but they are really good at getting the main point across in an engaging way. These books are written for little guys - but I have found it is more effective to use them with older kids (utilizing the Internet and other books for more detail). The activities in the activities book are way beneath them....so I wish I hadn't bought the activity books, except that the maps are pretty good - and we do use those. We mostly use the globe and I am continually amazed at how this group of kids can just spin that ball and find exactly what they're looking for in a matter of a couple of seconds. I didn't know my way around a globe until I was an adult. Yes, I know enough to be embarrassed by this fact. But this group of mostly unschooled kids seems to know so much about geography and history and I honestly don't know why.

Anyway, with the high schoolers I usually do the Great Books discussions but we adults had spent too much time talking about sex for me to get to that. Which was fine. Because it is summer and all that.


We have been having and attending lots of parties. We postponed Father's Day and had it last weekend, immediately following our 4th of July party - and we also did my sister's birthday that weekend. It was kind of like Festivus (Seinfeld reference, there). Jeff was happy to get a Pearl Jam CD and to cook his own Father's Day dinner because he likes to cook and that is what he does on all holidays - he grilled some of our grass-fed beef and baked some potatoes and buttered up some corn from our now crunchy brown garden. Our annual 4th of July party the night before had been fun - but hot. Most of the crowd stayed inside our house instead of relaxing under the shade trees like they usually do - so it was different than it has been in years past. But we did, of course, sacrifice a Lego Man. This is a tradition begun by Joel and Friends.

We do not know why we sacrifice a Lego-Man on the 4th of July. We do not know why we throw pumpkins over the side of a bridge into the San Antonio River on Thanksgiving. These are just things we do that have no meaning whatsoever but are very important to us and therefore must have some sort of meaning that we have not yet identified. Here is Lego-Man, bravely taped to some kind of a rocket to boldly go where several Lego-Men have gone, before.

Well, that's about it for me and my lack of a summer schedule. I might go to the grocery store today - but only if I plan on cooking dinner. Otherwise, maybe it will be a trip to The Cove for some great food that is all locally produced and some great music by our friends, Lewis and Clark. Well, I think I just talked myself into that one.

Happy Blistering Summer/ Natural Warming Trend!

Signing off as Your Highly Unstructured and Under-Scheduled Sardine Mama

Commit Me Already

On Sunday mornings Jeff is usually the first one out of bed. Well, actually, the first one out of bed is Camille. And Camille is hungry when she wakes up. And since waking up Mom results in a less than thrilling bowl of cold cereal, while waking up Dad results in pancakes, waffles, omelets and often, homemade biscuits…I am lucky in that I am mostly left undisturbed on Sunday mornings.

Last Sunday was no exception. Jeff had prepared some ridiculously involved and delicious breakfast for Camille using approximately every single pot, pan, spatula, skillet and spoon in our house and had then settled down to read the news on the Internet while sipping his coffee. He happened across Sandra Singh Loh’s article, entitled Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off.

It struck him on several levels. First of all, we have lots of friends getting divorces. Also, I think he saw a lot of me in the author. Did this cause him to panic? Not quite. But did he did fix me a cup of coffee exactly the way I like it and bring it into the bedroom? You betcha. Gone are the days when he might have plopped down on the bed to share an article from the newspaper; instead he popped open my laptop and said, “Here. Read this. Man, are you going to divorce me or what?”

I do, indeed, have several things in common with the author. We’re about the same age, we’ve been married for about the same time, we both have kids who we attachment-parent, we’re both writers working from home, we both have traveling husbands….we both are often overwhelmed by the many tasks involved in quasi-single-parenting. Parenting with a traveling husband is HARD. I can attest to that. And most of the issues that arise in our marriage are related to this specific situation. I often don’t feel that Jeff has the slightest clue as to how much I do in his absence.

However, are we headed for a break-up? No way. But do I think the institution of marriage is outdated, as the author suggests?

Well, I must admit that since I tend to run a little counter-cultural, I was hoping to come to the conclusion that yes, it is. But I don’t really believe that. I DO believe that people have unrealistic expectations of marriage. I also believe that many people get married for the wrong reasons. And I believe that there is too much cultural and societal pressure to get married, when many people are quite happy being single. And I believe that the expectations that we will all marry are rooted in restricted sexual expression and the fact that, as a culture, even though very few people remain chaste until marriage – we still feel that sex outside of marriage is immoral. Therefore, since very few of us will take vows of celibacy – we get married.

I also believe that the institution of marriage, per say, has no bearing on my personal relationship with my partner. It is not the piece of paper or the ceremony that holds us together. And the fact that a certain percentage of the population is denied the right to marry has also affected my opinion of the institution of marriage. But really, that is a separate issue. Most of you know how I feel about it.

Statistics seem to support the author’s conclusion that marriage, as an institution, is not thriving in America.

Yet most Americans support marriage. Let me re-phrase that: They support marriage between one man and one woman. Even if the marriage is in shambles and riddled with infidelity and deception….or patriarchal abuse of power…it is still better than no marriage at all. Because marriage, or the institution of marriage, has connotations of being pure, of being a blessed and sacred union…even if it isn’t. On the other hand, just living happily in a committed relationship without the piece of paper or blessing of a representative of the church? Sinful.

Half of American marriages end in divorce. Half! If you were told you had a 50% chance of being happy with the expensive car you were looking at, or the cosmetic surgery you were contemplating…you would say, “No way!” Yet in the case of marriage, we look at the same odds and proceed in rapturous joy down the aisle in order to set up house and produce babies, both of which have a 50% chance of ending up being battled over in divorce court. And there seems to be a certain amount of mass hypocrisy involved.

The author expresses it well when she writes:
"I sense you picking up the first stone to hurl, even if you yourself may be twice or even three times divorced. Such a contradiction turns out to be uniquely American. Just because marriage didn’t work for us doesn’t mean we don’t believe in the institution. Just because our own marital track records are mixed doesn’t mean our hearts don’t lift at the sight of our daughters’ Tiffany-blue wedding invitations. After all, we can easily arrange to sit far from our exes, across the flower-bedecked aisle, so as not to roil the festive day.”

What is wrong with our expectations of marriage?

Obviously, it is a multi-faceted problem with no clear answer. Marriage is a paradox. It is the only thing I know of that is treated so seriously and so lightly at the same time.

I think that for the institution of marriage to survive it has to modernize. The old-fashioned concept of husband and wife happily taking up gender-appropriate roles is not really applicable. The old idea of marriage is a patriarchal arrangement that simply doesn’t fit, anymore. Yet, it is still the ideal that many people have in mind when they get married. And then there is the whole romantic and religious notion that a marriage is truly the physical and spiritual joining of two people. I personally do not think it is physically or spiritually possible for two people to become one.

I think the single entity thing is part of what messes up some marriages. Around mid-life, a lot of couples are quite surprised to discover that they are not, in fact, one person. And instead of accepting and embracing their individuality, they think, “Why aren’t we closer? Why don’t we have the same views and opinions on everything? Where have we failed?” They are surprised to discover that their partners have secret thoughts, hopes, ambitions…and occasionally secret lives, because they’ve been forced to hold back parts of themselves that did not fit into the mold of their perfect union.

The truth of the human state is that we often don’t know who we currently are, much less, who we’re going to be years from now. Yet, change is a scary thing. We hear over and over again, “He’s not the same person he was when I married him!” To that I say, “Thank God!” Jeff was a 22-year-old boy when I married him! If he was the same person I’d be in a lot of trouble.

We are allowed to change. Yet, our idea of the Institution of Marriage is that it is rock-solid (again, even though statistics show that this is far from the truth). It is unchanging, always and forever, unconditional love that is conditioned upon stagnation, or the appearance of stagnation.

Obviously, as we progress down the somewhat imaginary journey of unity, half of us choose to stay with our partners. But what does it mean to remain in a marriage? Is your marriage intact when you’re sleeping in separate beds? Is your marriage intact when you’re living in different homes? Is your marriage intact if you’re having an affair, or don’t speak to each other, or no longer love each other? Are there statistics on how many marriages exist in this sort of limbo? Possibly. But I can look around at my own circle of family, friends, and acquaintances to know that a significant portion of the 50% of successful marriages, are not really all that successful. So happily ever after as bride and groom? Not really even a 50% chance.

That doesn’t sound so great. Yet as we all sit here, we anticipate that our children will end up happily married. The statistics on marriage, as it stands, do not support our projections. Yet, what if we changed our view and understanding of what marriage is? Could long-term happiness result then?

What if we, as a society, scaled down the Break the Bank Weddings? What if we, as a society, strove to create meaningful rites of passage – where the destination is the goal, and not the party? This might seem like a small, frivolous detail – but I do truly believe that many marriages form around the wedding, itself. Eliminate the wedding; eliminate a certain percentage of divorces.

Next, what if we stopped expecting everyone to get married? What if we gave value and validation to the single lifestyle? What if staying single became a respectable option for women, even those who want to be mothers? Of course, this would involve us dealing with our sexual hang-ups. Why does divorce have to happen for so many people before they say they’re happy being single?

Finally, what if we view marriage as the friendship that it really needs to be? What if we forgave our spouses in the same way we forgive our friends? I think that one of the reasons we find it so hard to forgive spouses is because our spouse is supposed to be “ours”. My Husband. My Wife. How can something that belongs to me, hurt me? Or, even better, we’re one, right? Holy union and all that stuff? And here one of us went and did something that indicates we are not one entity!

Entering into a marriage does not transform us. It doesn’t even join us. It commits us to another person. A separate person. A person who we must acknowledge will go through ups and downs and changes that do not necessarily involve us. Entering into a marriage with a clear understanding of what it means to be an individual is what will help the survival rate; not entering into it with a dreamy idea of spiritual or holy union.

And what happens when the changes we undergo drag us too far apart? Can that happen? Sure, it can happen. It does happen. But I think it is less likely to happen if a partnership is created that respects individuality and is based on common core values, which don't tend to change all that much over time. If core values are shared, a lot of the other differences and changes and crises that occur are more likely to be tolerated well.

Of course, if I were to awaken to discover that Jeff had somehow morphed into Rush Limbaugh overnight? I would want some options.

Well, this was a long ramble. I fell in love with Jeff when I was 14. I married him when I was 21. Statistics say that, contrary to popular belief, young marriages have slightly higher success rates. Maybe because there’s less of a “blending of two lives” process? We brought nothing to the marriage but dorm room milk crates. But I also think we’re happy because Jeff is simply an easy guy to get along with. Everyone likes him and I’m no exception. The guy cannot be freaked out by anything I do. He isn’t threatened by my self-expression. He is somewhat of a loner and that gives him the natural ability to give me my space. Sometimes it is too much space, and I have to work to enclose a circle around the two of us.

We neither one feel that we need a marriage license to be the family that we are. And in fact, we have both decided that if we were to do it all over, we would poo-poo the wedding and the license and the whole bit. We would just quietly make our family without the interference of outside influences.

In 2011 it will be 25 years for us. We’ll have a big party. Jeff has suggested that we disavow our vows (which we didn’t write and which I’m sure were taken from scripture or something – the fact that we don’t even know what it is that we vowed to each other indicates the ridiculousness of it). Then we will dance to the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Hard to Concentrate while our 5 kids roll their eyes. And we'll commit, again, to hanging out with each other until one of us dies or morphs into Rush Limbaugh, whichever comes first.


You’re all invited!
Signing off as a Totally Committed Sardine Mama