They say there's nothing good on TV, anymore. But LOST comes back on this Tuesday. I can't wait!! I'm a Sawyer-Girl. I'm not necessarily proud of it - of my being a beefcake fan and all - but there you have it. So I'm looking forward to Tuesday.
In the meantime, I have found other things on television to entertain me. Like the Republican Gubernatorial Debates, for example. True - I am voting for the Palestinian Flat-Iron Chi Guy - but I'm not an idiot and I know we'll end up with a Republican governor. So I'm rooting for one of them, too. Those of you who know (and love) me have already probably figured out which one. My Conservative friends are muttering under their breaths, "You know she's rooting for that one..." and my Liberal friends are going, "You know she's rooting for that one..." while calling me Benedict Arnold behind my back. Oh well. I have actually read that Benedict Arnold is terribly misunderstood.
I'm only poking fun, here. I don't have to take this too seriously, because as I indicated, my vote doesn't count. I realize that a whole lot of folks are taking this quite seriously and maybe don't think it is so funny - 'cause their votes count and all and they're actually having to consider who is the least of the 3 evils. I'm personally relieved of that responsibility during governor races in Texas. So that frees me up to poke fun.
There is something I adore about all 3 Republican candidates. I love Debra Medina because she is for secession (she now says she isn't officially "for" secession - that her secession comments about a bloody civil war were taken out of context). Anyhoo - like I was sayin' - she is for secession and I personally think secession would be kind of cool. I am all for it, in theory. Also? She called Rick Perry a twitchy, jumpy frat boy. And that was when she really stole my heart. We might not be agreein' on our politics but dangit, she and I could have drinks together and talk about twitchy, jumpy frat boys. And Good Old Boys. She and I are also for the protection of the rights and freedoms of individuals. The difference is that I think gay people are individuals and she thinks they're Satan's spawn. In fact, she stated that her beliefs on the gay marriage issue are the result of her religious convictions (she says she is a Born Again Christian). Now doesn't that mean she is applying her religious beliefs to civil liberties issues? Whatever. I adore her -mostly because she just hates the other two (Perry and Hutchison) so dang much.
Which brings me to Rick Perry. I have a thing for twitchy, jumpy frat boys. He's freaking adorable in a "You Old Stinker" way. He has a little George Dubya Bushiness about him - and I will be the first one to say George and I could keep each other rolling on the ground holding our bellies at Happy Hour. Seriously. We'd be good friends if we ever met. That adorable crooked little grin and all. Old Rick does the same little, "Who, me?" look when he's been caught doing something like.....I don't know.....issuing an honest-to-god Executive Order saying that all our Texas daughters have to get vaccinated against a sexually transmitted virus. This seemed like a good enough idea. But then it came out that Merck (the company manufacturing the vaccine) has a lobbyist named Michael Toomey, who also happens to have been Perry's former Chief of Staff. There's more on this involving mothers-in-law and Women in Government, but I don't want to bore you with it. My point is, when all this came out, Perry just grinned that adorable Awww Shucks grin and everybody kinda went, "That's okay. Just don't do it again, alright Skipper?"
There are more things I like about Rick Perry. I like the way he wears his little gimme caps in an effort to be one of the ordinary folks. They look good on him. I like him in a cowboy hat, too. I adore the way he brings up the words Lord, God, Jesus, and Pro-Life in strange, disconnected and random ways during regular old conversations about say.....education......like he has Tourette's Syndrome. It is endearing. During the debate, he was asked if he would serve out all 4 years if elected (there have been rumors of higher aspirations than Governor of the Lone Star State) and he replied that he had no idea what God had in store for him. His blessed life is in God's hands. Was the freaking reporter questioning God's judgement? Can you believe that the reporter questioned God's judgement? I sure can't. A choir of angels started singing and a beam of light shone upon Perry's head at that very moment and he was like, "Pro-Life, Baby!!" It was spectacular. I had tears in my eyes.
And finally - we arrive at my Protagonist of this story - Kay Bailey Hutchison. I like her because she is so naive. Even after all those years in Washington! She continues to think that if she just answers the questions in the debate, without praising Jesus and all, she will make sense and people will vote for her. See how disconnected she is from her own home state? Kay - Girlfriend - YOU CANNOT WIN WITHOUT THE HELP OF JESUS. Not here. You and I need to talk. Also? When you try to make Perry look bad by mentioning his cronyism? And he winks into the camera? He wins. As long as Perry is giving favors to friends, people will continue to vote for him in the hopes of becoming his friends. Also? When you talked figures and numbers and dollars? It bored us. Our eyes glazed over. It was more exciting when Medina name-called and Perry prayed out loud. THAT was entertainment. You need to liven it up a little bit. And? We cringed just a little (and audiences do not like to cringe) when you were shown in a video supporting Roe v Wade all those years ago.....and then you made that face after? The one that said, "Holy Cow I'm f*cked"? It made us double-cringe. Work on that. In the meantime, if I weren't a Liberal Democrat voting for the Palestinian? I would totally vote for you. Even if you are a "Washington Insider" who comes from the place where the Bad Black Man lives. I think you're actually pretty smart. I hope that makes you feel better. When you lose.
Well, that's my pathetic political commentary. For now anyway. I'll have more to say when the Democrats get to debate each other. That will be all flat-out crazy and everything. Did I say flat? As in flat iron? Because Farouk Shami, inventor of my flat iron, is seeking the Democratic nomination. Have you seen my hair? Yes? Then you understand my devotion to Shami. I'll let y'all know how he does in the debate. Even though it is going to hurt.
Signing off as the Sardine Mama, Commintin' on the Politikin'
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Embracing Imperfection in the "Good Enough" Club
It all started out with the "Let me drive everywhere! EVERYWHERE!!" and quickly turned into the, "Gas is too expensive. YOU drive." Such is life with a 17-year-old owner of a '94 teal green Cadillac De Ville. Yes, she drives an old-person car. She has a love/hate relationship with it. As her mother, I love it because it is safe. Sigh. I remember my own love/hate relationship with my Chevy Blazer my dad bought me....safe as a tank. Anyway, the biggest hazard she faces in her car is being mistaken for a Missing Elderly.
She bought the car with her own hard-earned money with the intention of finally losing the tag-along parents. We live basically in the middle of nowhere so whenever I drive the kids someplace, I tend to stay until they're ready to leave. I know. Wicked.
So did I say hard-earned money? She teaches piano lessons and babysits. And then she doesn't want to part with the money for things like....gas. So I'm back in the driver's seat.
Such was the case last Saturday when my teens wanted to go to The Cove to hear a friend participate in NESA's Battle of the Bands. I was happy to take this gig because I love The Cove and I love the friend and the friend's parents. Off we went. Oh, and I was coming down off of a 2-week solo parenting stint while my husband was out of town - so the idea of getting out with my husband and our oldest kids sounded like F-U-N.
After dropping off the two little'uns at their aunt's (without looking back) we headed to The Cove. Ahhhhh.....with real music playing in the car! REAL music. Not Raffi or the Alphabet Singers. OK - well, before someone outs me on this let me just say that I don't really listen to Raffi or the Alphabet Singers in the car, anymore. I did that with the first 3. With the last two it is more like we try to avoid songs with blatant profanity (the F-Bomb). I know! Horrible! When I think about how my current self would look to my former self - let's just say that my former self would judge my current self to be massively lame in the Mothering-Of-Little'uns department. Because I was HARD CORE with the first 2 and Medium Core with the middle one and more soft core with the last two. I've now descended into the endurance phase of the race, having totally expended insane amounts of energy during the sprinting (Barney/Sesame St/Finger painting/Playgroup) phase.
While I'm thinking of my former self - I feel the need to share a particular memory I often re-visit. Many moons ago - when I was still sprinting - I founded a local MOMS Club chapter. One sunny day we were at the park and I was trying to entice a prospective member I'd met. She was there with her toddler. Through the course of conversation, I learned she also had two older kids. Whatever. I was still sprinting. Anyway, we were talking about television shows and I mentioned (rather enthusiastically) how we didn't allow our kids to watch television because it was just filthy, nasty, horrible smut....or something like that. And the woman just gave me a glance that indicated she was done sprinting and she said (under her breath but I heard her), "I didn't know this was the Good MOMS Club....I need the Bad MOMS Club."
OK - we are still weird about the TV business compared to most people (at least with the little'uns). But not nearly as weird as we used to be. And I certainly don't B-R-A-G about it (anymore). I have since seen this woman now and again and I always want to say somehow that I am now also in the Bad MOMS Club....but I don't ever know how to bring it up. Besides, she won't make eye contact with me.
Anyway, so with Guns n Roses blaring (Joel's IPod got plugged in first) we headed off on our fun night out. We had a GREAT time hanging with some good friends and listening to some teenagers wail on guitars and stuff. And then? Self-doubt intruded into my fantastic night! Rude. And what is it with the self-doubting, lately? It is getting boring, believe me. Anyway, so I was sitting there sipping my wine and visiting with my friends. I looked around the room and realized that most of it was packed with teenagers from ISA and NESA. They were all having a great time. And then I noticed that MY kid was sitting at the table with the grown-ups, chatting away. And her brother was standing in a corner of the room holding his soda. Alone. And suddenly I was like, "Oh my God. We've made a huge mistake with this homeschooling thing! HUGE. My kids have no friends!! Oh Holy Crap they're unsocialized!! What was I thinking? They are RUINED."
I said to Ellie, "Don't you want to go sit with your friends?" (She knew a ton of the kids there). Her response? Was. "Do you want me to?"
Ugh. "Yes! Go away and stop being weird!"
"Okay."
And so she did. She wandered off and hung out happily with hordes of teenagers.
Now then. If the truth be told, when Ellie was in school (thru 3rd grade) she typically hung out with the teachers. At lunch she would happily sit at the picnic table chatting with her teacher watching "the kids" play. And that was BEFORE she was homeschooled.
But I wasn't thinking about that at the time. I wandered over to Joel and said, "Are you having a good time?"
He looked like he was having a good time. He had a grin on his face and was watching the band. Unlike his sister, he didn't really know many of the kids there, so he was just kind of hanging out.
"I'm having a good time," he said.
"Really?" I said. "Are you sure? You're just standing here alone."
He just looked at me like I was weird. Unlike me, he'd never been indoctrinated into the You Can't Have A Good Time By Yourself Club.
Hmmmm.....I went back to my friends. 'Cause I really can't have a good time by myself. And our little friend, Sarah, won second place as the only acoustic solo act.....she is an awesome singer/songwriter. I enjoyed some wine but, no matter what anybody says, I wasn't drunk. I was just HAPPY. Really. To be out, and all. After 2 weeks of the solo-parenting.
I have a favorite song among Sarah's repertoire, and she didn't sing it in her set. So she sang it to me in the parking lot, later. 'Cause she is cool that way.
And here is actual evidence of Ellie's ability to socialize. She's on the far right.
And here I am socializing - and I am really NOT DRUNK. (By the way - I'm the short, chubby drunk one on the left.)
And here is Joel, having a good time. This picture wasn't taken at The Cove. But it is, in fact, a picture of him having a good time somewhere else. And this is pretty much how he usually looks.
So when the night was over, I was still having the minor doubts. As we got back in our van, Joel commented that he had had a really good time (alone) and Ellie commented that it had been really fun (and she would have felt that way even if she had stayed at the grown-up table). And Jules, who I hadn't really seen much of throughout the evening, began to tell of his escapades on the playground where he had been ganged up on by some little girls who had called him names and flipped him off. WHAT???
This made his brother laugh hysterically. 'Cause he is supportive that way. And then Jules began laughing hysterically. And that was good. That was better than what I had intended to do, which was to talk about it until it took on Enormous Significance and Monumental Importance.
So - thank you Universe, for working in Mysterious Ways. Because as we drove home I was reminded of how really and truly well-rounded and happy my kids are. I was happy that Jules was able to laugh it off because he hasn't endured a lifetime of teasing at the hands of classmates. This group of girls very quickly honed in on the fact that my little Asperger's kid is "different". He was called names and made fun of and he truly didn't see it as a reflection of himself - but rather - he saw it as the girls just being mean. He said he mostly avoided them and continued playing. So, if this kid were in school with his issues, I wonder if it would be the same? Or, would he have internalized the cruelty?
And, if he had been in school....would Joel have been perfectly content and happy to stand inside a room of people he didn't know....enjoying the music and not worrying at all about what others were thinking of him?
Hmmmm......so I haven't made the "perfect" decision in regards to the way I'm raising my kids. But there is no perfect decision. And I do think that I made the best decision for the particular kids I'm raising. Hopefully, my self-doubts will be put to rest, at least for a little while.
Signing off as Sardine Mama - Proud Member of the "Good Enough" Mommy Club.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
It Was a Nightmare
So last night I had a nightmare. I'll share that in a moment. First, thanks to everyone who responded (via comments and e-mail) about my homeschooling blahs. You all definitely straightened me out and put me back on the right track! Yesterday, Ellie was curled up reading Homer's Iliad, Joel was reading a non-fiction book called Captured, Jules was collecting earthworms in a jar with help from 2 small assistants and all was right with the Sardine School. I don't doubt that other people who homeschool with more structure or rigor end up with educated kids - but I don't doubt that I will (and have), too.
NOW. Onto the Nightmare.
Oh, wait. First, let me address the man from New Braunfels, TX (lovely little town, by the way) who called into the Diane Rehm show today.....Dude, why did you have to say, "You wine-sipping Liberals?" You would have sounded less ummmm....RIDICULOUS.....if you hadn't name-called with such a really and truly and absolutely unoffensive term. I know you were implying eliteness with it, but it just didn't work. I mean, if you want to come up with a truly offensive term to use in your name-calling - how about....ummm....I don't know....Tea Bagging? Oh, wait. You already came up with that. Never mind, then.
Seriously. Your points are better made without name-calling. There are some serious issues to discuss - and you and I might even agree on a few things - but it is hard for me to hear what you're saying if you're calling me a name.
Now for The Nightmare. I woke up so dang upset! Like I couldn't believe how upset. And it was a dream about broccoli theft. Broccoli theft! Doesn't sound terrifying, I know. But what is it they say about dreams? It was SO REAL. I'm thinking this dream is all about my current insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. Or it was just a screwy dream.
In the dream we were at the bowling alley (we had a homeschool bowling fieldtrip today - another terribly un-elitist activity) and I noticed that none of my kids had on socks. I was so mad!! You can't bowl in those nasty shoes without socks. But mostly, I was mad at myself. Because socks are a Big Stupid Issue in this house. Because the kids can never find any. They're either all dirty (they take their shoes off a zillion times a day and then....I don't know....put on CLEAN socks every time they put them back on) or they're clean but haven't been paired or put away and everyone is digging through baskets. This is the cause of us running late about 99% of the time. And whenever I hear, "Mom, do I have any socks?" I REALLY hear, "Mom - you are so lame we don't have any effing socks!! Why can't you just get the dang socks washed and put away? Is it rocket science or what?" I have a sock hangup.
Back to the dream. So I leave the kids and head over to Target to pick up some socks. I'm in a massive hurry because I left my kids standing there barefoot in the bowling alley. Now then, before I'd left the house I had planned on fixing broccoli stuffed shells for dinner....and my broccoli was frozen. (This represents more lameness on my part - my lack of preparedness and being able to plan ahead.) So, of course, I took it out of the freezer and threw it in MY PURSE to thaw. Because people do weird sh*t in dreams. So into Target I go with my frozen broccoli in my purse and I finally find socks and I'm on my way out when a team of employees confronts me. I immediately feel guilty. They check my purse. Inside is the thawing broccoli, several wrapper-free tampons (some jr. high dreams never die), and some other stuff. "Aha!" the store employees say. "You're stealing broccoli! You are a Broccoli Thief!" Now, I knew I wasn't a broccoli thief, but I secretly felt I'd been found out. I felt guilty as hell.
I was taken into an interrogation room with people who were very condescending and accusational and I couldn't convince them that the broccoli was, in fact, my broccoli. "Why is it in your purse?" they asked. And you know what, people? That was a good question. "To thaw," I answered. They didn't believe me.
I became very angry and started making stuff up about how I was the head of this and that and in charge of this organization and that organization and didn't they know who they were dealing with and I look over at the chair and there sits Jules. In the dream this didn't strike me as odd, even though I'd left him back at the bowling alley. And Jules is eating chicken nuggets from McDonald's and people know that we try to eat fairly healthy and don't do McDonald's but there he sat with a freaking Happy Meal on his lap. As if to say, "Things aren't what they seem with us. In secret, she buys us Happy Meals." Anyway, so I'm lying through my teeth about how important I am and Jules raises his finger. Jules doesn't speak unless he is holding his finger up. The finger doesn't go up without the speaking and the speaking doesn't happen without the finger. It is one of his endearing little quirks. So the finger goes up, Jules clears the chicken nugget grease from his throat and says, "Actually, Mom......blah blah blah." Jules starts most sentences with the word "actually". Then he refutes something someone has said. That is pretty much what he calls a normal conversation. And of course, he was refuting all my claims to glory and saying that he didn't, in fact, see me with broccoli in my purse before we had arrived at Target.
"Aha! Your own son won't defend you! You are, indeed, a broccoli thief and a liar!!"
When they finally let me go, there is a huge crowd trying to get out of Target and onto the sidewalk outside where there is some sort of Red Carpet event that has something to do with Latin Boxing. Is there even such a thing as Latin Boxing?
And so all these people were in my way and I was terrified that the bowling alley would close and I wouldn't be able to get my babies out. Also? I had forgotten to pay for the socks. So I had stolen socks resting against the thawing broccoli in my purse.
*Would you believe that this morning we honest-to-God couldn't find any socks for Jasper and I had to stop and buy some on the way to the bowling alley? It was terrifying.
What does this MEAN people? Let me hear it. Also? While I'm asking you guys questions? What would cause this?
What on earth do our apples get brushed with or sprayed with? We usually get organic fujis but I couldn't get any this week and got home with a striped apple. We ate it. Nervously, though.
Finally - how about a recipe? I haven't done that in awhile, have I? After bowling tonight I didn't feel like the broccoli-stuffed shells what with all the emotional and psychological trauma I sustained the previous night. Jules put up his finger and suggested King Ranch Casserole. Sounded good to me.
King Ranch Casserole is a favorite among south Texans. The King Ranch is bigger than Rhode Island. My husband's car once broke down in the middle of it (a major highway runs through it) and he had to walk miles in a storm before being picked up by the Border Patrol (no cell phone coverage). Anyway - according to Homesick Texan, there is no link between the casserole and the King Ranch that anyone can find. Whatever. It is good comfort food. My version, of course, contains no meat - however, the original is made with chicken. Also? I did say comfort food but I also should have said convenience food. We're talking cans, baby. This is not as healthy a dish as I usually cook up around here - using processed soups and such - but it is both convenient and comforting. A person need comforting after a horrifying broccoli dream. If you want a healthier (but not vegetarian) version, it is easy to do and Homesick Texan did it here.
So here is Sardine Mama's Version of Vegetarian King Ranch Casserole
1 small onion, chopped
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 can of black beans
1 can of chick peas
1 can of kidney beans
1 can of RoTel chilis and tomatoes
1 can of corn
2 cans of (gulp) Cream of Mushroom soup
18 corn tortillas
3 Tbl of chili powder
3 tsp of cumin
1 tsp salt
A handful of shredded cheddar
First of all, rev up your can opener. I know. I said it was a recipe of convenience. Next, put a very light layer of soup on the bottom of a casserole dish. Next, saute onions and garlic in olive oil or butter, adding the chili powder, cumin, beans, and corn after the onions begin to get translucent. Stir it up until the mixture is warm and the corn is starting to brown a bit, then add it to the rest of the soup. Stir in the RoTel and salt. Spread 6 corn tortillas in the bottom of the casserole dish and spoon 1/3 of the bean/soup mixture on top. Repeat, ending the last layer with the bean/soup mixture. Cover with a liberal amount of cheese and bake in the oven at 350 for about 45 minutes. Yum!
Signing off as the non-Broccoli thief Mama
NOW. Onto the Nightmare.
Oh, wait. First, let me address the man from New Braunfels, TX (lovely little town, by the way) who called into the Diane Rehm show today.....Dude, why did you have to say, "You wine-sipping Liberals?" You would have sounded less ummmm....RIDICULOUS.....if you hadn't name-called with such a really and truly and absolutely unoffensive term. I know you were implying eliteness with it, but it just didn't work. I mean, if you want to come up with a truly offensive term to use in your name-calling - how about....ummm....I don't know....Tea Bagging? Oh, wait. You already came up with that. Never mind, then.
Seriously. Your points are better made without name-calling. There are some serious issues to discuss - and you and I might even agree on a few things - but it is hard for me to hear what you're saying if you're calling me a name.
Now for The Nightmare. I woke up so dang upset! Like I couldn't believe how upset. And it was a dream about broccoli theft. Broccoli theft! Doesn't sound terrifying, I know. But what is it they say about dreams? It was SO REAL. I'm thinking this dream is all about my current insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. Or it was just a screwy dream.
In the dream we were at the bowling alley (we had a homeschool bowling fieldtrip today - another terribly un-elitist activity) and I noticed that none of my kids had on socks. I was so mad!! You can't bowl in those nasty shoes without socks. But mostly, I was mad at myself. Because socks are a Big Stupid Issue in this house. Because the kids can never find any. They're either all dirty (they take their shoes off a zillion times a day and then....I don't know....put on CLEAN socks every time they put them back on) or they're clean but haven't been paired or put away and everyone is digging through baskets. This is the cause of us running late about 99% of the time. And whenever I hear, "Mom, do I have any socks?" I REALLY hear, "Mom - you are so lame we don't have any effing socks!! Why can't you just get the dang socks washed and put away? Is it rocket science or what?" I have a sock hangup.
Back to the dream. So I leave the kids and head over to Target to pick up some socks. I'm in a massive hurry because I left my kids standing there barefoot in the bowling alley. Now then, before I'd left the house I had planned on fixing broccoli stuffed shells for dinner....and my broccoli was frozen. (This represents more lameness on my part - my lack of preparedness and being able to plan ahead.) So, of course, I took it out of the freezer and threw it in MY PURSE to thaw. Because people do weird sh*t in dreams. So into Target I go with my frozen broccoli in my purse and I finally find socks and I'm on my way out when a team of employees confronts me. I immediately feel guilty. They check my purse. Inside is the thawing broccoli, several wrapper-free tampons (some jr. high dreams never die), and some other stuff. "Aha!" the store employees say. "You're stealing broccoli! You are a Broccoli Thief!" Now, I knew I wasn't a broccoli thief, but I secretly felt I'd been found out. I felt guilty as hell.
I was taken into an interrogation room with people who were very condescending and accusational and I couldn't convince them that the broccoli was, in fact, my broccoli. "Why is it in your purse?" they asked. And you know what, people? That was a good question. "To thaw," I answered. They didn't believe me.
I became very angry and started making stuff up about how I was the head of this and that and in charge of this organization and that organization and didn't they know who they were dealing with and I look over at the chair and there sits Jules. In the dream this didn't strike me as odd, even though I'd left him back at the bowling alley. And Jules is eating chicken nuggets from McDonald's and people know that we try to eat fairly healthy and don't do McDonald's but there he sat with a freaking Happy Meal on his lap. As if to say, "Things aren't what they seem with us. In secret, she buys us Happy Meals." Anyway, so I'm lying through my teeth about how important I am and Jules raises his finger. Jules doesn't speak unless he is holding his finger up. The finger doesn't go up without the speaking and the speaking doesn't happen without the finger. It is one of his endearing little quirks. So the finger goes up, Jules clears the chicken nugget grease from his throat and says, "Actually, Mom......blah blah blah." Jules starts most sentences with the word "actually". Then he refutes something someone has said. That is pretty much what he calls a normal conversation. And of course, he was refuting all my claims to glory and saying that he didn't, in fact, see me with broccoli in my purse before we had arrived at Target.
"Aha! Your own son won't defend you! You are, indeed, a broccoli thief and a liar!!"
When they finally let me go, there is a huge crowd trying to get out of Target and onto the sidewalk outside where there is some sort of Red Carpet event that has something to do with Latin Boxing. Is there even such a thing as Latin Boxing?
And so all these people were in my way and I was terrified that the bowling alley would close and I wouldn't be able to get my babies out. Also? I had forgotten to pay for the socks. So I had stolen socks resting against the thawing broccoli in my purse.
*Would you believe that this morning we honest-to-God couldn't find any socks for Jasper and I had to stop and buy some on the way to the bowling alley? It was terrifying.
What does this MEAN people? Let me hear it. Also? While I'm asking you guys questions? What would cause this?
What on earth do our apples get brushed with or sprayed with? We usually get organic fujis but I couldn't get any this week and got home with a striped apple. We ate it. Nervously, though.
Finally - how about a recipe? I haven't done that in awhile, have I? After bowling tonight I didn't feel like the broccoli-stuffed shells what with all the emotional and psychological trauma I sustained the previous night. Jules put up his finger and suggested King Ranch Casserole. Sounded good to me.
King Ranch Casserole is a favorite among south Texans. The King Ranch is bigger than Rhode Island. My husband's car once broke down in the middle of it (a major highway runs through it) and he had to walk miles in a storm before being picked up by the Border Patrol (no cell phone coverage). Anyway - according to Homesick Texan, there is no link between the casserole and the King Ranch that anyone can find. Whatever. It is good comfort food. My version, of course, contains no meat - however, the original is made with chicken. Also? I did say comfort food but I also should have said convenience food. We're talking cans, baby. This is not as healthy a dish as I usually cook up around here - using processed soups and such - but it is both convenient and comforting. A person need comforting after a horrifying broccoli dream. If you want a healthier (but not vegetarian) version, it is easy to do and Homesick Texan did it here.
So here is Sardine Mama's Version of Vegetarian King Ranch Casserole
1 small onion, chopped
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 can of black beans
1 can of chick peas
1 can of kidney beans
1 can of RoTel chilis and tomatoes
1 can of corn
2 cans of (gulp) Cream of Mushroom soup
18 corn tortillas
3 Tbl of chili powder
3 tsp of cumin
1 tsp salt
A handful of shredded cheddar
First of all, rev up your can opener. I know. I said it was a recipe of convenience. Next, put a very light layer of soup on the bottom of a casserole dish. Next, saute onions and garlic in olive oil or butter, adding the chili powder, cumin, beans, and corn after the onions begin to get translucent. Stir it up until the mixture is warm and the corn is starting to brown a bit, then add it to the rest of the soup. Stir in the RoTel and salt. Spread 6 corn tortillas in the bottom of the casserole dish and spoon 1/3 of the bean/soup mixture on top. Repeat, ending the last layer with the bean/soup mixture. Cover with a liberal amount of cheese and bake in the oven at 350 for about 45 minutes. Yum!
Signing off as the non-Broccoli thief Mama
Friday, January 15, 2010
Don't Start Reading This Unless You Have Absolutely Nothing Better To Do
First of all - this is how the birthday celebrations went. Camille's First Ever Sleepover was monumentally successful. Who had the most fun? Jasper. Here they are having a toilet paper fight.
And here is Camille opening her special gift from her Daddy - the 5th Nancy Drew book!! They read these together every night. Nancy Drew is Camille's personal guide to White Privilege. I mean, what American girl doesn't want a convertible and a dad who is a lawyer and a housekeeper who is thrilled to death to cook, iron, and polish and a college boyfriend who invites her to sleep over at the Fraternity House and not for sex, either, because this fraternity house is more like a luxury hotel run by monks? What can I say? I was more of a Hardy Boys girl.
And here is Jules's party. He had a Nerf Gun Battle. Which is funny because we are the local Pacifist family. We have a sign to prove it.
I have not begun 2010 with any real resolve. Most days I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. So this is going to be a wonderfully uplifting post - one about how basically I feel I am failing in several areas of my life.
Before I begin, let me just say that anything and everything in my life pales in comparison to Actual Human Suffering....and I am massively aware of this. Haiti comes to mind. And stays there....those poor, poor people. Also, and this, too, pales in comparison to Haiti - my BCF (Best Conservative Friend) has a very sick little one who just got out of the hospital and now seems to be relapsing a bit - might have another trip back to the hospital. So prayers (if you're so inclined) all the way around, or thoughts (if you're so inclined), or positive imagery/energy (if you're so inclined) or you can just send money - to Haiti - but probably my friend would appreciate some, too.
Now Back To Me:
HOMESCHOOLING
What the heck was I thinking? All those previous posts about how easy it is? LIES. All lies. Seriously. I was talking about my oldest kid - the one who learned to read at 3 and has been taking college classes since 9th grade and who gets up at the crack of dawn to do I have no idea what but it gets her great scores on the SAT so who cares? SHE is easy to homeschool. We basically unschool our youngsters, and I TOTALLY believe in late starts for the kids who aren't hankering for an early start (I believe in early starts for them) - but, lately I have felt the need for more structure. I read other blogs, lots of articles, talk to lots of homeschoolers and I begin to get that nagging little we-should-be-doing-more feeling. So I tried to do more. Jasper, who would technically be in kindergarten, began rather enthusiastically back in September and also quit school entirely, back in September. After gluing beans onto a "B" he sighed, threw his head down on the table and said, "I quit." He meant it. Any attempts since then to bring him back to beans, crayons, glue, or anything of that nature results in, "I said I quit school!! Remember!?!" Yes, I remember. And honestly, I don't care whether or not the kid glues beans onto a "B". Really. There isn't a huge job market for that in this economy, anyway. But I see the pictures on other blogs of kids his age using manipulatives and making finger puppets and in addition to making me want to throw up, it also makes me jealous.
Camille is doing okay - she's just started to read (2nd grade) and she's doing okay in math. That is really all I do with her and it takes about 30 minutes. But I feel like we should be doing projects and art and cooking and art flash cards and all of those things I see other people doing....but the truth is that I haven't the time and she hasn't the inclination.
The Boys are where I'm spending my homeschooling efforts right now. Unlike their sister, they haven't magically absorbed things like spelling, grammar, and vocabulary simply from reading. They can neither one spell very well. However, I am recognizing the value of a late start for things like grammar. Joel, age 15, is picking it up very easily. Jules, 12, isn't so interested. So part of me is saying, "Just wait until he's 15." And that makes sense. Except that then I get the little worried bug starting in so I force him to do grammar worksheets that are really not having any effect that I can see.
Jules is in 6th grade doing 7th grade math, Joel's doing algebra.....THANK YOU TEACHING TEXTBOOKS!! Math is covered. Even in our house.
We are enjoying read-aloud history lessons with lots of discussion - we always love history. Big Time. But we don't do it enough. Our lives are busy. We don't have a time that is just for school because we can't. Ellie has piano students coming in and out, we have Odyssey kids here twice a week, we're off to ballet, piano, tae kwon do, guitar pretty much every day of the week. We're prone to taking off to go here or there because it sounds like fun.....so "school" is often in the car, or in the evenings before bed, or in the summer months. I just don't feel like I've ever gotten a handle on a routine. It was easier when I just had little kids. Now we just have So Much To Do Seemingly All The Time.
Yet, I know they're learning. And I'm learning right along with them - so I have to question whether or not they'd be learning any more if they were in school all day. I mean, I was in school all day, you know? And yet I constantly say, "Wow! I didn't know that!" when we're learning together. But still - can this be all there is to it? Reading books together, talking, watching videos when we have the time? Looking at my boys and listening to them talk, I know that the answer is "yes". But looking through curriculum catalogs and flipping through textbooks makes me doubt myself. We're not taking tests. They're not writing essays. They can, however, hold very intelligent conversations with adults about almost anything. And they are curious about virtually everything. So.....
So what am I worried about, right? Well - science - for one. Again - I am happy with the late start approach. Other than watching NOVA and other educational shows, reading books and magazines for pleasure, talking, exploring, and observing - they've done no "real" science. But Joel is in high school now and he needs "real" science. And I am having a very hard time finding anything for a homeschooled boy that doesn't contain Creationism or Intelligent Design as viable scientific theories. Almost all of the homeschool science curricula available are Young Earth and that doesn't fit in with our worldview. I'm not dogging people who believe in YE or choose to teach it to their kids, (in fact - I think that the Texas Board of Education fits into that category), I'm just saying that we don't want to go that route and are having a hard time finding another path. Ellie started High School Biology via a college textbook - but Joel really isn't ready for that depth of investigation. I just need your Average Joe High School Biology Textbook and I can't freaking find one!! Sigh.
But that hasn't stopped me from buying lots of other books. Lots. And lots. And they mostly sit around screaming at me. I hate it when books scream at me. Books, in general, are not very nice when they're screaming. "Hey! Remember when you bought me? You were going to use me to teach geography! What - you think they're just going to pick that stuff up from general living and traveling and talking and learning? How far do you think that is going to get them? Hey, Baby - I have TIMELINES in here. Honest to God TIMELINES. And right here next to me? Is the Shakespeare stuff you bought. And the Poetry. And War and Peace is sitting over there saying he knew you were never gonna read him. And the Idiots Guide to Homeschooling is snickering. Honestly Woman - have you no pride?" Then they all start laughing and talking about me behind my back. Stupid books.
Also speaking of books.....I'm trying to write one. Stupid, I know. Nothing starts up my negative self-talk like sitting down to work on the book. I know it will never get published. It will probably never get finished. If, by some miracle, it does get both finished and published, it will never sell. Then I'll never get published, again. Then all the books in the house will start laughing at me again and they won't let my book join in any real book games. And speaking of Real Books - I'm reading Donald Maass's Writing the Breakout Novel and it has totally depressed me and encouraged my negative self-talk.
The book I'm writing is fiction - classified as either MG or Very YA. Why am I writing fiction? Because I tend to undermine my own success, that's why. I had an agent talk to me about writing a parenting book - she wanted an outline and proposal within 90 days - so of course I responded sensibly by taking a nap for year and then waking up to write fiction. Also? I had a paying gig as a columnist. It was going well. So I quit. Also? I was blogging for a major newspaper. That was going well. Except for the fact that they constantly had to bug me for posts. And that made me sleepy. And every time I sat down to blog for them I ended up here OR working on the Novel That Will Never Be Published.
And speaking of Here - On Sardines - I've lost a follower. I have no idea who I offended. Either a Conservative Republican or a Buddhist - based on my previous post. And it is hard to offend both Conservatives and Buddhists in one post so in a way, I guess I should congratulate myself. But the truth is - I have a little problem in that I want everyone to like me. Ellie tries to cheer me up by saying, "Everyone likes you, Mom! Except for the people who don't."
You'll also notice that, in addition to a follower, I've lost my ads. That's because BlogHer wanted me to make some very minor changes to my blog in order to be in compliance with ad agreements and that made me sleepy; resulting in another nap and no compliance, whatsoever, on my part. What am I going to do without the $25/year I earned annually in ad clicks? Because, you know, I could have totally saved it up for 10 years and ended up with $250 of money that I did absolutely nothing to earn. But contemplating that? Also makes me sleepy. Thinking about money makes me sleepy.
Have you picked up on a theme here? All I really want to do is tell stories. The rest of it makes me sleepy. I've told other people stories my entire life. Usually, they've been true or partly true or mostly true but prone to embellishment. Usually, they're funny. But the stories I've always told myself....and I do mean ALWAYS because I've been spinning stories in my head since I was a baby......are all about fictional places, fictional people, a fictional ME. And letting them out where other people can see them is really really hard and requires a huge amount of self-confidence that I cannot seem to muster. It is a little bit like taking off all of your clothes and standing in the middle of a crowded room. People would say, "Wow. That's what she looks like without supportive undergarments??? Yikes!" Well, I'm afraid that when people peep at my fictional world it will be just like that. In the non-fiction I let people see - I always make sure to wear my undergarments. Fiction isn't like that. Fiction is going full-on commando. Fiction is what you think about quietly when nobody else in the room has a clue as to what's going on in your head. And writing it down and asking people to read it - friends, critique groups, publishers and agents....is like standing naked. Non-fiction is not really all that revealing - even when I'm writing about myself and my family, you only see what I want you to see. Fiction is TOTALLY revealing.
Okay - well - that was intense. Let me stop crying and move onto some other area of failure. I'm still talking books, though. In the failure category - books are a big theme for me. Here is my shameful confession: We are missing 2 library books. As in, totally missing. We cannot find them anywhere. Anywhere. People say, "You'll find them! Where could they be?" Well, people, we have lost REALLY BIG THINGS in this house - never to be seen, again. What are the odds I'm going to find two little books? And the replacement values are astronomical and one of the books is out of print. This is REALLY bothering me. I just know everybody at the library is talking about how irresponsible we are. Any psychics out there who can tell me where my books might be?
Well, I'm off to go about floundering through the rest of my day.
Sardine Mama
And here is Camille opening her special gift from her Daddy - the 5th Nancy Drew book!! They read these together every night. Nancy Drew is Camille's personal guide to White Privilege. I mean, what American girl doesn't want a convertible and a dad who is a lawyer and a housekeeper who is thrilled to death to cook, iron, and polish and a college boyfriend who invites her to sleep over at the Fraternity House and not for sex, either, because this fraternity house is more like a luxury hotel run by monks? What can I say? I was more of a Hardy Boys girl.And here is Jules's party. He had a Nerf Gun Battle. Which is funny because we are the local Pacifist family. We have a sign to prove it.
I have not begun 2010 with any real resolve. Most days I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. So this is going to be a wonderfully uplifting post - one about how basically I feel I am failing in several areas of my life.
Before I begin, let me just say that anything and everything in my life pales in comparison to Actual Human Suffering....and I am massively aware of this. Haiti comes to mind. And stays there....those poor, poor people. Also, and this, too, pales in comparison to Haiti - my BCF (Best Conservative Friend) has a very sick little one who just got out of the hospital and now seems to be relapsing a bit - might have another trip back to the hospital. So prayers (if you're so inclined) all the way around, or thoughts (if you're so inclined), or positive imagery/energy (if you're so inclined) or you can just send money - to Haiti - but probably my friend would appreciate some, too.
Now Back To Me:
HOMESCHOOLING
What the heck was I thinking? All those previous posts about how easy it is? LIES. All lies. Seriously. I was talking about my oldest kid - the one who learned to read at 3 and has been taking college classes since 9th grade and who gets up at the crack of dawn to do I have no idea what but it gets her great scores on the SAT so who cares? SHE is easy to homeschool. We basically unschool our youngsters, and I TOTALLY believe in late starts for the kids who aren't hankering for an early start (I believe in early starts for them) - but, lately I have felt the need for more structure. I read other blogs, lots of articles, talk to lots of homeschoolers and I begin to get that nagging little we-should-be-doing-more feeling. So I tried to do more. Jasper, who would technically be in kindergarten, began rather enthusiastically back in September and also quit school entirely, back in September. After gluing beans onto a "B" he sighed, threw his head down on the table and said, "I quit." He meant it. Any attempts since then to bring him back to beans, crayons, glue, or anything of that nature results in, "I said I quit school!! Remember!?!" Yes, I remember. And honestly, I don't care whether or not the kid glues beans onto a "B". Really. There isn't a huge job market for that in this economy, anyway. But I see the pictures on other blogs of kids his age using manipulatives and making finger puppets and in addition to making me want to throw up, it also makes me jealous.
Camille is doing okay - she's just started to read (2nd grade) and she's doing okay in math. That is really all I do with her and it takes about 30 minutes. But I feel like we should be doing projects and art and cooking and art flash cards and all of those things I see other people doing....but the truth is that I haven't the time and she hasn't the inclination.
The Boys are where I'm spending my homeschooling efforts right now. Unlike their sister, they haven't magically absorbed things like spelling, grammar, and vocabulary simply from reading. They can neither one spell very well. However, I am recognizing the value of a late start for things like grammar. Joel, age 15, is picking it up very easily. Jules, 12, isn't so interested. So part of me is saying, "Just wait until he's 15." And that makes sense. Except that then I get the little worried bug starting in so I force him to do grammar worksheets that are really not having any effect that I can see.
Jules is in 6th grade doing 7th grade math, Joel's doing algebra.....THANK YOU TEACHING TEXTBOOKS!! Math is covered. Even in our house.
We are enjoying read-aloud history lessons with lots of discussion - we always love history. Big Time. But we don't do it enough. Our lives are busy. We don't have a time that is just for school because we can't. Ellie has piano students coming in and out, we have Odyssey kids here twice a week, we're off to ballet, piano, tae kwon do, guitar pretty much every day of the week. We're prone to taking off to go here or there because it sounds like fun.....so "school" is often in the car, or in the evenings before bed, or in the summer months. I just don't feel like I've ever gotten a handle on a routine. It was easier when I just had little kids. Now we just have So Much To Do Seemingly All The Time.
Yet, I know they're learning. And I'm learning right along with them - so I have to question whether or not they'd be learning any more if they were in school all day. I mean, I was in school all day, you know? And yet I constantly say, "Wow! I didn't know that!" when we're learning together. But still - can this be all there is to it? Reading books together, talking, watching videos when we have the time? Looking at my boys and listening to them talk, I know that the answer is "yes". But looking through curriculum catalogs and flipping through textbooks makes me doubt myself. We're not taking tests. They're not writing essays. They can, however, hold very intelligent conversations with adults about almost anything. And they are curious about virtually everything. So.....
So what am I worried about, right? Well - science - for one. Again - I am happy with the late start approach. Other than watching NOVA and other educational shows, reading books and magazines for pleasure, talking, exploring, and observing - they've done no "real" science. But Joel is in high school now and he needs "real" science. And I am having a very hard time finding anything for a homeschooled boy that doesn't contain Creationism or Intelligent Design as viable scientific theories. Almost all of the homeschool science curricula available are Young Earth and that doesn't fit in with our worldview. I'm not dogging people who believe in YE or choose to teach it to their kids, (in fact - I think that the Texas Board of Education fits into that category), I'm just saying that we don't want to go that route and are having a hard time finding another path. Ellie started High School Biology via a college textbook - but Joel really isn't ready for that depth of investigation. I just need your Average Joe High School Biology Textbook and I can't freaking find one!! Sigh.
But that hasn't stopped me from buying lots of other books. Lots. And lots. And they mostly sit around screaming at me. I hate it when books scream at me. Books, in general, are not very nice when they're screaming. "Hey! Remember when you bought me? You were going to use me to teach geography! What - you think they're just going to pick that stuff up from general living and traveling and talking and learning? How far do you think that is going to get them? Hey, Baby - I have TIMELINES in here. Honest to God TIMELINES. And right here next to me? Is the Shakespeare stuff you bought. And the Poetry. And War and Peace is sitting over there saying he knew you were never gonna read him. And the Idiots Guide to Homeschooling is snickering. Honestly Woman - have you no pride?" Then they all start laughing and talking about me behind my back. Stupid books.
Also speaking of books.....I'm trying to write one. Stupid, I know. Nothing starts up my negative self-talk like sitting down to work on the book. I know it will never get published. It will probably never get finished. If, by some miracle, it does get both finished and published, it will never sell. Then I'll never get published, again. Then all the books in the house will start laughing at me again and they won't let my book join in any real book games. And speaking of Real Books - I'm reading Donald Maass's Writing the Breakout Novel and it has totally depressed me and encouraged my negative self-talk.
The book I'm writing is fiction - classified as either MG or Very YA. Why am I writing fiction? Because I tend to undermine my own success, that's why. I had an agent talk to me about writing a parenting book - she wanted an outline and proposal within 90 days - so of course I responded sensibly by taking a nap for year and then waking up to write fiction. Also? I had a paying gig as a columnist. It was going well. So I quit. Also? I was blogging for a major newspaper. That was going well. Except for the fact that they constantly had to bug me for posts. And that made me sleepy. And every time I sat down to blog for them I ended up here OR working on the Novel That Will Never Be Published.
And speaking of Here - On Sardines - I've lost a follower. I have no idea who I offended. Either a Conservative Republican or a Buddhist - based on my previous post. And it is hard to offend both Conservatives and Buddhists in one post so in a way, I guess I should congratulate myself. But the truth is - I have a little problem in that I want everyone to like me. Ellie tries to cheer me up by saying, "Everyone likes you, Mom! Except for the people who don't."
You'll also notice that, in addition to a follower, I've lost my ads. That's because BlogHer wanted me to make some very minor changes to my blog in order to be in compliance with ad agreements and that made me sleepy; resulting in another nap and no compliance, whatsoever, on my part. What am I going to do without the $25/year I earned annually in ad clicks? Because, you know, I could have totally saved it up for 10 years and ended up with $250 of money that I did absolutely nothing to earn. But contemplating that? Also makes me sleepy. Thinking about money makes me sleepy.
Have you picked up on a theme here? All I really want to do is tell stories. The rest of it makes me sleepy. I've told other people stories my entire life. Usually, they've been true or partly true or mostly true but prone to embellishment. Usually, they're funny. But the stories I've always told myself....and I do mean ALWAYS because I've been spinning stories in my head since I was a baby......are all about fictional places, fictional people, a fictional ME. And letting them out where other people can see them is really really hard and requires a huge amount of self-confidence that I cannot seem to muster. It is a little bit like taking off all of your clothes and standing in the middle of a crowded room. People would say, "Wow. That's what she looks like without supportive undergarments??? Yikes!" Well, I'm afraid that when people peep at my fictional world it will be just like that. In the non-fiction I let people see - I always make sure to wear my undergarments. Fiction isn't like that. Fiction is going full-on commando. Fiction is what you think about quietly when nobody else in the room has a clue as to what's going on in your head. And writing it down and asking people to read it - friends, critique groups, publishers and agents....is like standing naked. Non-fiction is not really all that revealing - even when I'm writing about myself and my family, you only see what I want you to see. Fiction is TOTALLY revealing.
Okay - well - that was intense. Let me stop crying and move onto some other area of failure. I'm still talking books, though. In the failure category - books are a big theme for me. Here is my shameful confession: We are missing 2 library books. As in, totally missing. We cannot find them anywhere. Anywhere. People say, "You'll find them! Where could they be?" Well, people, we have lost REALLY BIG THINGS in this house - never to be seen, again. What are the odds I'm going to find two little books? And the replacement values are astronomical and one of the books is out of print. This is REALLY bothering me. I just know everybody at the library is talking about how irresponsible we are. Any psychics out there who can tell me where my books might be?
Well, I'm off to go about floundering through the rest of my day.
Sardine Mama
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Into the Home Stretch Marks
I'm in the home stretch. The big boxes are sitting in my living room - awaiting all of the holiday decorations - to mark this marvelous fact (although I had a really really really wonderful holiday season). Christmas is over, New Year's is over, our 24th wedding anniversary is over. Today one of my babies is having a birthday. Tomorrow another one of my babies is having a birthday. Poor planning on my part. Anyway, them I'm done with the celebrating for awhile.....nothing brings down the celebratin' like being tired of the celebratin'.
Jules was supposed to have his gigantic Birthday Nerf Gun Battle today but it turns out The Republicans Are Right and THERE IS NO FREAKING GLOBAL WARMING. I know! What a relief! They've been sayin' it all along. Stupid socialist scientists. Anyway - so today is very very very cold and worse, very very very windy. Howling windy. Seriously. It sounds like a tornado. And this is not good for Nerf Gun Battles. So it has been rescheduled for Saturday (are you seeing this facebook friends? 'cause i know i set up an event with the wrong date, time, year, basically everything....DO NOT COME TO MY HOUSE TODAY I WILL NOT LET YOU IN).
I plan for the party to go smoothly because I have learned from a master. 9 Texans started the whole Nerf Battle Business (or rather, her kid did) and she runs it like a pro. In short, the kids are not allowed in the house and she means business. And really - you DO NOT WANT masses of stinky adolescent boys in your house. Because of the stinky part. And the loud part. And the messy part. And the knocking over the furniture part. So she guards her door with a large kitchen utensil and they can basically come inside if they really really need to pee and won't do it outside. Hostess of the Freaking Year...I LOVE her!! And that is my plan for Saturday. Also for Saturday? Misery. Pure misery. 'Cause Camille is having a sleepover Friday night and that will make for a miserable Saturday but at least she will be somewhere else being miserable because she has ANOTHER birthday party to go to and I plan to just drop her off all cranky and nasty.
So party at my house on Friday and party at my house on Saturday and then no more stinkin' parties until March. The parties at our place have become less and less extravagant over the years. To think that we actually hosted a pony party for a 2-year-old once. With real ponies. And a little homemade cowboy outfit. And the little stinker doesn't even remember it (he's 15, now). All I remember was a lot of trouble, a lot of money, and that Joel took a bite out of his Fresh-From-A-Bakery-And-Not-A-Cake-Mix birthday cake and said, "Good chicken."
2010: So what? Honestly - all of my unfinished business has just carried over from 2009. 2010 would only be exciting if someone said, "Clean slate! All that stuff you started in 2009 and wish you hadn't is officially erased!! Ta-Da!!" Procrastination would work in my favor if things went that way.
Things don't go that way. And today I have taken care of a couple of things on my to-do list that have to do with things I started last year and wish I hadn't. First up involves Odyssey of the Mind. I registered the Odyssey of the Mind team for the regional tournament!! Cyber-High-Five me. This is NOT a big deal by the way, the registration process. It takes less than 5 minutes. And I dread it each and every year and do it at the last possible second but this year I did it an ENTIRE DAY before the official deadline.
Also, I filled out the financial part of the From The Top scholarship form for Ellie. The rest of it is supposed to be filled out by her high school guidance counselor in order to rank her on the awesomeness scale that goes from something like Fairly Awesome to Rocking Awesome. Well, Ellie has no guidance counselor. She's homeschooled. And it feels weird for me to write about her rocking awesomeness but it also would be weird for me not to. Like, if your own mom doesn't think you're rocking awesome, who does?? I think I will get some other people to fill out this part in addition to my filling it out, which isn't part of the procedure and will thereby probably disqualify her. See how I do these things to myself? Anyway, so yes - she is auditioning for From the Top and you can click on this link to hear her rocking awesomeness for yourself if you don't want to take the mama's word for it because who would?
The other big thing I did was packaged up Christmas gifts for mailing. I'm not going to say anything obvious here and I'd prefer you didn't, either.
Let's see....what else to blog about before signing off? Oh yeah. It seems homeschooling has been in the news. I hate it when that happens. A few recent child-abusers have been homeschoolers. A FEW. But that makes it newsworthy because if they didn't homeschool their kids they certainly wouldn't be abusing them because they would be scared someone would notice....that is why, my friends, there are no abused kids in school. None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. School has saved them!! All kids should be in school because of this!! In fact, I propose that babies should be removed from their mothers' arms in the hospital and enrolled in school immediately because that is what is necessary to make the whole School Saves Kids From Abuse Stupid Argument make any sense!!
Truly - if we want to outlaw homeschooling based on this issue - we would have to also outlaw keeping babies at home instead of in daycare centers. Because child abuse also happens before school age. That is where the whole Shaken Baby Syndrome comes in - BEFORE SCHOOL AGE. Child abuse is awful. Some people can't handle parenthood - humongous, sad, tragic, and horrible issue of massive proportions, this abuse thing. But homeschooling has nothing to do with it. Some people homeschool. Some people lock their kids in the basement and call it homeschooling. It isn't. And one has nothing to do with the other.
Also? There is a woman named Robin West who published a paper about the harms of homeschooling in Philosophy and Public Policy Quarterly. She is being wrung through the wringer in the old blogosphere about basically every single thing she wrote. I won't do the same but if you want to read some of it you can check out my blog roll, specifically, Milton Gaither hits it with this post. Dr. West makes those of us who swing left look like idiots....sigh. And while you're checking out my blog roll you might want to consider writing something for Freedom to Learn - Peter Gray is seeking some homeschoolers / unschoolers to write about their experiences.
Also also? As you look at my blog roll you will probably notice (as most people have) that I link to a few atheists and also to a few spiritual / religious types. That's how I roll. I like opinionated people. I like excitable people. I like people who are living lives of integrity and who are trying to figure out who they are and what they believe and why they feel this way or the other. This has caused some confusion as to whether I am an atheist homeschooler, a religious homeschooler, a secular homeschooler, or just your typical run-of-the-mill crazy homeschooler.......people want to put me in a little box. Well people, I want nothing better than to jump in a box but I've never found one that fits. If I ever do, I promise to blog about it.
Speaking of such things - I live in a very small and very rural and very conservative Texas town and would you believe that there is a Dharma Center opening up??? Seriously!! Do you freaking believe it?? The Buddhists are coming to town. Which is PROOF, my friends, that the world is indeed, going to hell in a handbasket.
Don't forget to check out the awesomeness of my kid here.
Signing off as a Uncharacteristically Frigidly Chilly Southern Sardine Mama
Jules was supposed to have his gigantic Birthday Nerf Gun Battle today but it turns out The Republicans Are Right and THERE IS NO FREAKING GLOBAL WARMING. I know! What a relief! They've been sayin' it all along. Stupid socialist scientists. Anyway - so today is very very very cold and worse, very very very windy. Howling windy. Seriously. It sounds like a tornado. And this is not good for Nerf Gun Battles. So it has been rescheduled for Saturday (are you seeing this facebook friends? 'cause i know i set up an event with the wrong date, time, year, basically everything....DO NOT COME TO MY HOUSE TODAY I WILL NOT LET YOU IN).
I plan for the party to go smoothly because I have learned from a master. 9 Texans started the whole Nerf Battle Business (or rather, her kid did) and she runs it like a pro. In short, the kids are not allowed in the house and she means business. And really - you DO NOT WANT masses of stinky adolescent boys in your house. Because of the stinky part. And the loud part. And the messy part. And the knocking over the furniture part. So she guards her door with a large kitchen utensil and they can basically come inside if they really really need to pee and won't do it outside. Hostess of the Freaking Year...I LOVE her!! And that is my plan for Saturday. Also for Saturday? Misery. Pure misery. 'Cause Camille is having a sleepover Friday night and that will make for a miserable Saturday but at least she will be somewhere else being miserable because she has ANOTHER birthday party to go to and I plan to just drop her off all cranky and nasty.
So party at my house on Friday and party at my house on Saturday and then no more stinkin' parties until March. The parties at our place have become less and less extravagant over the years. To think that we actually hosted a pony party for a 2-year-old once. With real ponies. And a little homemade cowboy outfit. And the little stinker doesn't even remember it (he's 15, now). All I remember was a lot of trouble, a lot of money, and that Joel took a bite out of his Fresh-From-A-Bakery-And-Not-A-Cake-Mix birthday cake and said, "Good chicken."
2010: So what? Honestly - all of my unfinished business has just carried over from 2009. 2010 would only be exciting if someone said, "Clean slate! All that stuff you started in 2009 and wish you hadn't is officially erased!! Ta-Da!!" Procrastination would work in my favor if things went that way.
Things don't go that way. And today I have taken care of a couple of things on my to-do list that have to do with things I started last year and wish I hadn't. First up involves Odyssey of the Mind. I registered the Odyssey of the Mind team for the regional tournament!! Cyber-High-Five me. This is NOT a big deal by the way, the registration process. It takes less than 5 minutes. And I dread it each and every year and do it at the last possible second but this year I did it an ENTIRE DAY before the official deadline.
Also, I filled out the financial part of the From The Top scholarship form for Ellie. The rest of it is supposed to be filled out by her high school guidance counselor in order to rank her on the awesomeness scale that goes from something like Fairly Awesome to Rocking Awesome. Well, Ellie has no guidance counselor. She's homeschooled. And it feels weird for me to write about her rocking awesomeness but it also would be weird for me not to. Like, if your own mom doesn't think you're rocking awesome, who does?? I think I will get some other people to fill out this part in addition to my filling it out, which isn't part of the procedure and will thereby probably disqualify her. See how I do these things to myself? Anyway, so yes - she is auditioning for From the Top and you can click on this link to hear her rocking awesomeness for yourself if you don't want to take the mama's word for it because who would?
The other big thing I did was packaged up Christmas gifts for mailing. I'm not going to say anything obvious here and I'd prefer you didn't, either.
Let's see....what else to blog about before signing off? Oh yeah. It seems homeschooling has been in the news. I hate it when that happens. A few recent child-abusers have been homeschoolers. A FEW. But that makes it newsworthy because if they didn't homeschool their kids they certainly wouldn't be abusing them because they would be scared someone would notice....that is why, my friends, there are no abused kids in school. None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. School has saved them!! All kids should be in school because of this!! In fact, I propose that babies should be removed from their mothers' arms in the hospital and enrolled in school immediately because that is what is necessary to make the whole School Saves Kids From Abuse Stupid Argument make any sense!!
Truly - if we want to outlaw homeschooling based on this issue - we would have to also outlaw keeping babies at home instead of in daycare centers. Because child abuse also happens before school age. That is where the whole Shaken Baby Syndrome comes in - BEFORE SCHOOL AGE. Child abuse is awful. Some people can't handle parenthood - humongous, sad, tragic, and horrible issue of massive proportions, this abuse thing. But homeschooling has nothing to do with it. Some people homeschool. Some people lock their kids in the basement and call it homeschooling. It isn't. And one has nothing to do with the other.
Also? There is a woman named Robin West who published a paper about the harms of homeschooling in Philosophy and Public Policy Quarterly. She is being wrung through the wringer in the old blogosphere about basically every single thing she wrote. I won't do the same but if you want to read some of it you can check out my blog roll, specifically, Milton Gaither hits it with this post. Dr. West makes those of us who swing left look like idiots....sigh. And while you're checking out my blog roll you might want to consider writing something for Freedom to Learn - Peter Gray is seeking some homeschoolers / unschoolers to write about their experiences.
Also also? As you look at my blog roll you will probably notice (as most people have) that I link to a few atheists and also to a few spiritual / religious types. That's how I roll. I like opinionated people. I like excitable people. I like people who are living lives of integrity and who are trying to figure out who they are and what they believe and why they feel this way or the other. This has caused some confusion as to whether I am an atheist homeschooler, a religious homeschooler, a secular homeschooler, or just your typical run-of-the-mill crazy homeschooler.......people want to put me in a little box. Well people, I want nothing better than to jump in a box but I've never found one that fits. If I ever do, I promise to blog about it.
Speaking of such things - I live in a very small and very rural and very conservative Texas town and would you believe that there is a Dharma Center opening up??? Seriously!! Do you freaking believe it?? The Buddhists are coming to town. Which is PROOF, my friends, that the world is indeed, going to hell in a handbasket.
Don't forget to check out the awesomeness of my kid here.
Signing off as a Uncharacteristically Frigidly Chilly Southern Sardine Mama
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Christmas is In The Bag
On Christmas Eve morning I awoke to Jasper sitting up in bed whispering loudly (and that is not an oxymoron - you would have to hear him whispering to know what I mean but let it suffice to say that when Jasper whispers, it sounds like it probably hurts), "Happy Christmas Eve, Dude." He calls me dude. He used to call me honey. Now he calls me dude. Sometimes he says, "Mom, Dude....did you see what (insert tattling here)" Because he has older brothers who breathe the word "dude" as if it were some sort of uncontrollable tic. Hence the five-year-old and the duding thing.
We spent the day preparing our Christmas Eve feast (tamales, guacamole, Spanish rice etc), doing some last minute wrapping and even some last minute shopping. It was really a very nice and festive day.
When it began to get dark and the kids were frosting Santa's cookies....we were anxiously anticipating the arrival of The Guests (my dad and sister). My sister doesn't have any children and this works out well for my kids, who are the grateful lone recipients of my sister's holiday shopping and over-indulgence in the latest, greatest toy-buying excursions. She thinks I had so many kids to make up for the fact that she didn't have any. When I became pregnant with the 5th, my sister was like, "Really. I probably would have only had one kid. You can stop now." **But how many times do I have to say it? We're just sexually irresponsible. We really aren't trying to make anyone else miserable with our mass production of the offspring. That has just been an unexpected bonus.
Anyway, my sister might as well be Santa for all the excitement her arrival stirs up. She usually arrives carrying a Great Big Bag of poorly wrapped presents (my sister has never been bothered with attention to details); sometimes more than one Great Big Bag.
This year was no exception and her entrance was met with, "Auntie's here!" and the resulting stampede of little people trying to peek in the bag.
This Bag.
Yep, my people. She brought their goodies in an Abercrombie bag of ummmm....great proportions. Really great. Proportionally speaking. And all I could think was, "Good Lord don't rip the *&%ing bag! I WANT that bag."
I said, "I can't believe you brought their gifts in that bag."
And my sister, the one who isn't much for details, said, "What's wrong with it? It's just a bag."
Just a bag?? On whose bag-o-meter? This, my cheerful Christmasy friends, is THE BEST BAG I HAVE EVER SEEN. Just a bag, my a$$.
And the children? Noticed the bag. My sister continued with the innocent "what?" business.
I was reminded of the time my mother had hastily prepared a gift bag for my little 7-year-old cousin's birthday. When she handed the kid the gift bag everyone became very quiet and my mom was like, "What's the deal?" Then my aunt pointed out that the bag said (in bright, bold letters), "BIRTHDAYS ARE A BITCH". My mom was mortified. "I just grabbed a bag! Honestly!" she stammered.
Since our family loves holidays even more when they can somehow be made inappropriate, the bag continued to make the rounds for years and years after that day, showing up at basically every family birthday party. The first time it failed to show everyone participated in accusations against each other in the form of, "You had the bag last time! What did you do with it?" You would have thought the family heirloom diamonds had been lost.
Anyway, the Abercrombie bag was soon emptied of its various presents and I then informed my sister that I was keeping the bag. I really don't get out to malls much and when am I going to have another opportunity like this? Huh?
"No, I'm taking it home with me," she said.
"No, you're not," I said. "You didn't even give me a birthday present so I'm keeping the bag."
"I told you I was combining your birthday and Christmas presents!"
(Mean trick I have been subjected to basically MY ENTIRE FREAKING SAGITTARIAN LIFE!)
"No, sorry. The bag stays. Ellie take it from your aunt."
I sent in Ellie because the kid has no fear. She was successful in retrieving the bag, although it suffered some minor damage in the scuffle.
"Aha!" I said like the World's Greatest Dictator. "Take it to my meditation nook."
Now Ellie is smirking. "Are you going to meditate on it?"
"Just do what I say. I have very little joy in my life. Also? The most wicked thing I ever do anymore is toss a can into the trash instead of the recycling when nobody's looking. And even then, I usually dig it out later because I start feeling guilty. SO GO PUT THE BAG IN MY MEDITATION NOOK AND DON'T GIVE ME ANYMORE GRIEF ABOUT IT!!"
I won. The bag is mine. I am so wicked. Merry Christmas to Me.
After the wicked bag scuffle, my dad came limping/dragging in. My dad broke his leg, recently. He's doing better but he's still on a walker and using a wheelchair. And yes, I'm sure this is entirely inappropriate and offensive, but we have been calling him Tiny Tim. 'Tis the season and all that. But instead of cooperating with a "God Bless Us, Everyone!" he bellowed, "Somebody bring me a shot of tequila!"
La Chaim! After this he broke out into If I were a rich man....biddy biddy biddy.......just teasing. He didn't really. It would have been cool, though. 'Cause he is looking the part.
We had fewer gifts under the tree this year. We're trying to be more moderate. (Stop laughing)
Jasper, being the youngest, made the most impressive haul. 'Cause his toys are all relatively cheap and he is freaking easy to make happy. "Oh my God!! Crayons!! Thank you!!" followed by tears of joy, actual weeping, etc.
Jasper likes to give as well as receive. And you never know what you're going to get when you're on the receiving end, either. Last year Jules noticed that quite a few of his turtles from his turtle collection were missing and I noticed that quite a few of the wrapped gifts under the tree were turtle-shaped....so there ya go.
Ellie is madly saving money for her Seattle trip so she made gifts. She's learning to crochet and knit and so Camille and Jasper received scarves.
I got some little wash cloths. She tied them up and they looked adorable.
Ellie made a decent haul, although it was mostly practical things. My dad got her a graphing calculator she needs for calculus.....we bought her a metronome to replace the one she broke....that sort of thing.
The boys did well, each receiving mostly games for their Nintendo DS's, the X Box, the PlayStation, and the Wii. Yes, we are that kind of family. Sigh. Jeff says Joel can't do anything around the farm that can't be accomplished with his thumbs :). After Ellie played some Bach for my dad on the piano, Joel showed off by playing Halo on the X Box. My dad applauded after both performances.
From Jeff, I received a bottle of Repasado Tequila in a pretty blue bottle with two little sipping glasses (not shot glass per say, this stuff is meant to be sipped - it is REALLY good). What can I say? He likes to get me drunk. I got him a new pewter ladle he'd had his eye on. What can I say? I like to watch him cook. He loves to cook. I also got him the latest Clive Cussler book because when he's not cooking or hemming a dress or sewing on a button he likes to read manly books.
So after all the eating and the giving and receiving and the rounds of tequila and utter nonsense...we all began to hastily prepare for Santa's arrival...jammies, tooth brushing, setting out cookies and milk for Santa, carrots and apples for the reindeer....and of course....turning off the electric fence. Welcome to Guantanamo, Santa! That's right. We have an electric fence. And we had to turn it off because we ARE NOT GOING TO GO DOWN AS THE PEOPLE WHO KILLED SANTA.
Why do we have an electric fence around our yard? Well, nothing says "welcome" like the buzzing of an electrified fence. Also? We are having a small problem with the wiener dog known as Schnitzel. She is really, really old. And she apparently cannot tell when she is emptying either her bowels or her bladder. In other words, the dang dog is incontinent. And my husband has banished her during the day to the (gasp) yard because he felt that disastrous early morning squish beneath his foot one too many times. The banishment resulted in Schnitzel's scratching at the door. Incessantly. And that resulted in irritation on my end and massive scratches on the door's end. Hence the electric fence to keep her off of our front porch. I, personally, think this is overkill. And so the dog is usually still in our house, safely guarded by an electric fence.
All I can say is God help me should I ever become incontinent. My guess is I'd be tossed outside on the other side of the fence. Fine. Just make sure I've got all my belongings in my Abercrombie bag.
Merry Christmas, My Friends! And Happy Hanukkah, Happy Solstice, and Anything Else I Might Have Forgotten.....
Signing Off as a Merry-Making Sardine Mama
We spent the day preparing our Christmas Eve feast (tamales, guacamole, Spanish rice etc), doing some last minute wrapping and even some last minute shopping. It was really a very nice and festive day.
When it began to get dark and the kids were frosting Santa's cookies....we were anxiously anticipating the arrival of The Guests (my dad and sister). My sister doesn't have any children and this works out well for my kids, who are the grateful lone recipients of my sister's holiday shopping and over-indulgence in the latest, greatest toy-buying excursions. She thinks I had so many kids to make up for the fact that she didn't have any. When I became pregnant with the 5th, my sister was like, "Really. I probably would have only had one kid. You can stop now." **But how many times do I have to say it? We're just sexually irresponsible. We really aren't trying to make anyone else miserable with our mass production of the offspring. That has just been an unexpected bonus.
Anyway, my sister might as well be Santa for all the excitement her arrival stirs up. She usually arrives carrying a Great Big Bag of poorly wrapped presents (my sister has never been bothered with attention to details); sometimes more than one Great Big Bag.
This year was no exception and her entrance was met with, "Auntie's here!" and the resulting stampede of little people trying to peek in the bag.
This Bag.
Yep, my people. She brought their goodies in an Abercrombie bag of ummmm....great proportions. Really great. Proportionally speaking. And all I could think was, "Good Lord don't rip the *&%ing bag! I WANT that bag."
I said, "I can't believe you brought their gifts in that bag."
And my sister, the one who isn't much for details, said, "What's wrong with it? It's just a bag."
Just a bag?? On whose bag-o-meter? This, my cheerful Christmasy friends, is THE BEST BAG I HAVE EVER SEEN. Just a bag, my a$$.
And the children? Noticed the bag. My sister continued with the innocent "what?" business.
I was reminded of the time my mother had hastily prepared a gift bag for my little 7-year-old cousin's birthday. When she handed the kid the gift bag everyone became very quiet and my mom was like, "What's the deal?" Then my aunt pointed out that the bag said (in bright, bold letters), "BIRTHDAYS ARE A BITCH". My mom was mortified. "I just grabbed a bag! Honestly!" she stammered.
Since our family loves holidays even more when they can somehow be made inappropriate, the bag continued to make the rounds for years and years after that day, showing up at basically every family birthday party. The first time it failed to show everyone participated in accusations against each other in the form of, "You had the bag last time! What did you do with it?" You would have thought the family heirloom diamonds had been lost.
Anyway, the Abercrombie bag was soon emptied of its various presents and I then informed my sister that I was keeping the bag. I really don't get out to malls much and when am I going to have another opportunity like this? Huh?
"No, I'm taking it home with me," she said.
"No, you're not," I said. "You didn't even give me a birthday present so I'm keeping the bag."
"I told you I was combining your birthday and Christmas presents!"
(Mean trick I have been subjected to basically MY ENTIRE FREAKING SAGITTARIAN LIFE!)
"No, sorry. The bag stays. Ellie take it from your aunt."
I sent in Ellie because the kid has no fear. She was successful in retrieving the bag, although it suffered some minor damage in the scuffle.
"Aha!" I said like the World's Greatest Dictator. "Take it to my meditation nook."
Now Ellie is smirking. "Are you going to meditate on it?"
"Just do what I say. I have very little joy in my life. Also? The most wicked thing I ever do anymore is toss a can into the trash instead of the recycling when nobody's looking. And even then, I usually dig it out later because I start feeling guilty. SO GO PUT THE BAG IN MY MEDITATION NOOK AND DON'T GIVE ME ANYMORE GRIEF ABOUT IT!!"
I won. The bag is mine. I am so wicked. Merry Christmas to Me.
After the wicked bag scuffle, my dad came limping/dragging in. My dad broke his leg, recently. He's doing better but he's still on a walker and using a wheelchair. And yes, I'm sure this is entirely inappropriate and offensive, but we have been calling him Tiny Tim. 'Tis the season and all that. But instead of cooperating with a "God Bless Us, Everyone!" he bellowed, "Somebody bring me a shot of tequila!"
La Chaim! After this he broke out into If I were a rich man....biddy biddy biddy.......just teasing. He didn't really. It would have been cool, though. 'Cause he is looking the part.
We had fewer gifts under the tree this year. We're trying to be more moderate. (Stop laughing)
Jasper, being the youngest, made the most impressive haul. 'Cause his toys are all relatively cheap and he is freaking easy to make happy. "Oh my God!! Crayons!! Thank you!!" followed by tears of joy, actual weeping, etc.
Jasper likes to give as well as receive. And you never know what you're going to get when you're on the receiving end, either. Last year Jules noticed that quite a few of his turtles from his turtle collection were missing and I noticed that quite a few of the wrapped gifts under the tree were turtle-shaped....so there ya go.
Ellie is madly saving money for her Seattle trip so she made gifts. She's learning to crochet and knit and so Camille and Jasper received scarves.
I got some little wash cloths. She tied them up and they looked adorable.
Ellie made a decent haul, although it was mostly practical things. My dad got her a graphing calculator she needs for calculus.....we bought her a metronome to replace the one she broke....that sort of thing.
The boys did well, each receiving mostly games for their Nintendo DS's, the X Box, the PlayStation, and the Wii. Yes, we are that kind of family. Sigh. Jeff says Joel can't do anything around the farm that can't be accomplished with his thumbs :). After Ellie played some Bach for my dad on the piano, Joel showed off by playing Halo on the X Box. My dad applauded after both performances.
From Jeff, I received a bottle of Repasado Tequila in a pretty blue bottle with two little sipping glasses (not shot glass per say, this stuff is meant to be sipped - it is REALLY good). What can I say? He likes to get me drunk. I got him a new pewter ladle he'd had his eye on. What can I say? I like to watch him cook. He loves to cook. I also got him the latest Clive Cussler book because when he's not cooking or hemming a dress or sewing on a button he likes to read manly books.
So after all the eating and the giving and receiving and the rounds of tequila and utter nonsense...we all began to hastily prepare for Santa's arrival...jammies, tooth brushing, setting out cookies and milk for Santa, carrots and apples for the reindeer....and of course....turning off the electric fence. Welcome to Guantanamo, Santa! That's right. We have an electric fence. And we had to turn it off because we ARE NOT GOING TO GO DOWN AS THE PEOPLE WHO KILLED SANTA.
Why do we have an electric fence around our yard? Well, nothing says "welcome" like the buzzing of an electrified fence. Also? We are having a small problem with the wiener dog known as Schnitzel. She is really, really old. And she apparently cannot tell when she is emptying either her bowels or her bladder. In other words, the dang dog is incontinent. And my husband has banished her during the day to the (gasp) yard because he felt that disastrous early morning squish beneath his foot one too many times. The banishment resulted in Schnitzel's scratching at the door. Incessantly. And that resulted in irritation on my end and massive scratches on the door's end. Hence the electric fence to keep her off of our front porch. I, personally, think this is overkill. And so the dog is usually still in our house, safely guarded by an electric fence.
All I can say is God help me should I ever become incontinent. My guess is I'd be tossed outside on the other side of the fence. Fine. Just make sure I've got all my belongings in my Abercrombie bag.
Merry Christmas, My Friends! And Happy Hanukkah, Happy Solstice, and Anything Else I Might Have Forgotten.....
Signing Off as a Merry-Making Sardine Mama
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Crowding Out Santa and a Really Long Meme
I successfully turned 45 without a hitch! It was a great day!
I woke up to waffles and these. Yellow roses are my favorite and there were 24 of them! One for every year we've been married (it will be 24 years next month).
And then? We all got ready to go visit Santa. All of us. Every single one. Even the teenagers. Because this is my birthday tradition. Everyone has to be nice to me on my birthday and this is how I get the teenagers on Santa's lap ever year. It is awesome. This year we overwhelmed Santa. You can barely see him.
Jasper was very nervous. And he should have been nervous. Because he is a toot with a capital "T" and if I were him I would have been very nervous. But Santa seemed perfectly happy to see him, promised him a bike, and even told him he loved him. Jasper chatted him up but good.
Camille choked again. She always chokes. Santa says, "How are you? What would you like for Christmas?" And then it is just like that scene from A Christmas Story. She says nothing. Just stands there with a ridiculous look on her face. She always resorts to Backup Plan A - which is to mutely hand him her letter.
Jules informed Santa he wanted a game for his Nintendo-thing. Then Santa asked the big kids what they wanted - and the big kids go along because they have a small audience of We're-in-the-Presence-of-Santa-Oh-My-God!!! little people. Santa called Ellie "Princess" and that seemed to piss her off. Nobody calls The Princess "princess". You know what I mean? Because she is The Princess and it has always kind of been a case of all of us just doing what she says so nobody gets hurt. And she takes offense to being called "princess".
There were no misunderstandings between Joel and Santa this year! Last year when Joel said he wanted "high quality pens" Santa replied, "What's that? You want some high quality pants?" and the little people were all stressed out worrying that Joel was going to get pants for Christmas.
Our coffee table in our living room is full of framed Santa pictures going back to the very beginning.....a very tiny and very unhappy baby on Santa's lap. Then a little girl standing in front of Santa (twisting her hair) while in the background, Santa holds a screaming baby boy....(Ellie had refused to get anywhere near Santa....he probably called her a princess or something). Then we have Jules added to the pics, and Camille, and then Jasper. I don't know why this tradition and these pictures make me so happy but they really do!
When we came home Jeff whipped up some of these (spinach enchiladas verdes)...
And served them on my favorite Christmas plates.....
And followed it up with an orange / chocolate cake and lots and lots of off-key singing.
I suppose if a person has to turn 45, this is as good a way to do it as any, and better than most.
NOW - Here's for a VERY VERY VERY VERY LONG Christmas meme. I dare you to get to the end of it. I triple dog dare you to put it on your own blog. Also? I am tired and the spacing is erratic and I really don't want to fix it. So humor me. Just scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll. It is like scrolling while drunk or something. Which is not at all like trolling while drunk, which is something college boys do.
The Tree
1. When Do You Put Up the Tree?
The first weekend in December.
2. Real or Fake?
Fake. Jeff loves a faux fir for some bizarre reason. He claims he can't have a real tree because of allergies and then he sneezes his a$$ off while putting up the dusty fake one. Next year? A real tree!! (I say that every year. It feels like saying "Next year in Jerusalem!!")
3. Lights - What Color?
We like the lights. Multi-colored IN ADDITION to the white ones that came on the fake tree.
4. Garland?
No. Gold beads that are a pain in the neck but Ellie gets them all just perfect.
5. Theme or No Theme?
Themes are for wimps. Seriously. We have everything under the sun hanging on our tree, including the odd trash item now and then. Currently we have some packing foam that Jasper put on hooks adorning our tree. And a stick-figure reindeer drawn on lined notebook paper. Because there is no teacher here helping the little rascals make cute ornaments.
6. What Kind of Topper?
Angel. The very top of her head is missing (she took a fall a few years ago) but you can't tell when she's on the tree.
7. What's Your Favorite Ornament?
A red rocking chair my mom gave me when I was pregnant for the first time. I also have a little teapot I love that my friend, Gayle, gave me. And there are some neat-o stick pin ornaments that Ellie made once. Also - the packing foam is growing on me. It looks like a sleigh from a certain angle.
8. What does your tree skirt look like?
It has the Big Red Dude on it. In sequins!
9. Where Do You Put Your Tree?
The living room window and this is just the second year in 17 years that it doesn't look like the Department of Homeland Security put it up. We used to have a really huge wall/gate around it like it was the Mexican border or something. And Jasper still can't leave the dang thing alone. He just wants to touch it touch it touch it touch it......
10. Who Decorates the Tree?
The kids, of course! After they go to bed I often do a little work to redistribute things (or ellie does).
11. What's Under the Tree?
Gifts! And the older the kids get, the smaller the gifts get. No more gigantic plastic play sets, etc....more and more it is CD's, DVD's, video games....little things. Much neater, I must say.
12. Do You Put Candy Canes On Your Tree?
Those of you who know Jasper are laughing. Let's see....how can I say this? Candy is to Jasper what Crack is to a Junkie. He cannot handle it. So any candy canes that made it onto the tree would be gone in under a second - he'd eat the plastic and all. We don't bother.
About the Food:
1. What's Your Favorite Christmas Cookie?
I like snickerdoodles and those peanut butter cookies with the chocolate kiss on top. Those are my faves!!
2. Do You Bake Cookies and Give Them Away?
Sometimes. I try to. If Karen can do it then anyone can (she has almost twice as many kids as me and puts me to shame).
3. Any Special Foods You Have Only at Christmas?
Fudge is a Christmas treat we make on Rudolph night.
4. What Do You Eat Christmas Eve?
Are you seriously asking me this? Have I not pledged my loyalty and faithfulness to Tejas enough on this blog? On Christmas Eve we enjoy TexMex tamales like other real Texans GOSH! Half of them are bean/cheese for the vegetarians. We also have guacamole, bean chili, chili con queso, and Spanish rice.
5. What Do You Eat Christmas Day?
Official Texas laws give us a little more leeway on this one. It varies. This year my dad is bringing a brisket that was given to him as a gift. Since our family is multi-cultural-ethnic-religious yada yada yada.....we'll have sides of latkas and noodle kugel and some delicious acorn squash.
6. Do You Like Eggnog?
I make my Daddy Jim's special recipe....family tradition. It is delicious. But we tend to do this on New Year's Eve.
7. Do You Like Candy Canes?
Not a fan. There is no chocolate on a candy cane.
About The Decorations:
1. Where Do You Hang Your Stockings?
We have the most awesome stockings. Whenever I announced a pregnancy, my Aunt Flo set to work making a stocking. Each child has their own beautifully adorned stocking - the needlework is fantastic and we've sewn the children's baby rings above their names. Aunt Flo died on Jasper's 2nd birthday so he doesn't really remember her. It is lovely to hear him say, "Here is my stocking Great Aunt Flo made!!" They hang on the knobs of an antique buffet in our den.
2. Do You Put Lights on Your House?
Yes...just one string of colored lights.
3. Got Any Outside Lawn Decorations?
We gave up. It is too windy on this hill - nothing will stay put.
4. Do You Put Up a Nativity?
Didn't the ACLU outlaw those? God - I'm just teasing. Don't anyone get started or I'll be forced to tell you Happy Holidays as an insult. Because I am CERTAIN that is what people mean when they say Happy Holidays. Unlike the people who say, "Merry Christmas and I'm not afraid to say it!!" with uber angry and challenging expressions on their faces....
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. We used to have a lovely glass one and, as you can imagine, it looked quite ragged after awhile (missing hands on the wise men, etc). We had a clay one we bought in Puerto Vallarta when I was pregnant with Ellie only we couldn't put it up because it made me nauseous to look at it (I was nauseous when we bought it and what can I say? I'm sensitive that way.) We had a couple of others that were missing various important people.....This year we don't have one up. We're not AGAINST them, mind you.....I'm a Jesus fan for sure.
5. Do You Hang Mistletoe Over Your Door?
Jeff already can't keep his hands off of me. He couldn't handle any botanical incentives :). Seriously, we used to. But now with Schnitzel being mostly senile - I'm afraid she'd eat it. So....no. Plenty of it growing in the trees outside, though!
6. Got a Wreath on Your Front Door?
No, come to think of it! Where the heck is it? I know we have one...
7. How Long Does it Take You to Decorate?
We never stop. As long as there is packing foam to be found....
About the Movies/Shows:
1. Favorite Christmas TV Show?
My new favorite is The Polar Express. I love it love it love it. But we like to kick it old school with Rudolph and Frosty, too. And the Grinch!! I guess that is my all-time fave.
2. A Wonderful Life / Miracle on 34th Street / A Christmas Carol
It isn't Christmas for Ellie without Its a Wonderful Life. She had friends over last week and I served them cookies, kettle corn, and hot cocoa. For me? It is Scrooge all the way! For my 6th Birthday my family took me to see the movie...it scared the crap out of me and made me cry. Therefore it became my Favorite. Because I am weird that way.
3. Favorite Christmas Movie?
Christmas Vacation DUH. Also? A Christmas Story. And see above. Elf is funny, too.
4. Have you ever seen the Nutcracker Suite Ballet live?
Yes. And thank God my sister takes Camille every year because... I enjoyed it once. Pretty much right up until intermission. I have a short attention span....
5. Ever Been to the Radio City Music Hall Show?
That was a mean question. No.
6. Ever Gone to the Movies on Christmas Day?
No. We like to hang out stuffing ourselves and watching the kids play while nursing dull headaches.....the results of pulling an all-nighter and topping it off with a shot of Patron.
Other Christmas Things:
1. Favorite Christmas Books?
I love to read the original A Christmas Carol by Dickens. We're reading it now at tea time every day. We're on the Ghost of Christmas Future. I also love The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. And Olive, the Other Reindeer! And If You Take a Mouse to the Movies....Our coffee table is COVERED with Christmas books. We read some every day!
2. Do You Stuff Your Stockings With Any Types of Food?
Our kids are foodies and Santa puts weird stuff in their stockings. I hear that this year he's bringing them some tiny gouda rounds....and of course...candy. Putting candy in Jasper's stocking is how Santa punishes me. I don't hang one so he's got no place to leave my lump of coal, you see.
3. Do You Go to Church on Christmas or Christmas Eve?
I used to love Midnight Mass. I would still love it, I'm sure. But we're secularists (currently) - so no, we don't go.
4. Have You Ever Gone Caroling?
Of course!
5. Favorite Christmas Carol?
O Holy Night - always makes me cry.
6. Do You Believe in Santa?
With all my heart. But I'm totally fine if you don't. I won't make you believe in Santa or tell you Christmas is less your holiday than mine if you don't.
7. Do You Leave Santa Cookies?
You bet! And sometimes a shot of Patron. And the reindeer get carrots.
8. What About Rudolph?
An apple for Rudolph.
9. What Was Your Best Christmas Gift?
I've received so many throughout the years! But one that stands out as particularly special was a turquoise Barbie Carousel Kitchen!!
10. Worst Gift?
I honestly can't think of one. For Mother's Day I once received a carefully wrapped cow's tooth but that's another story for another holiday.
11. Do You Go To a "Work" Christmas Party?
Jeff offices out of our home. His company is located in Pennsylvania - quite a hop from here. So, no. But occasionally we get invited to customers' parties.
12. Do You Hate Going?
No.
13. Do You Send Christmas Cards?
Usually, but not this year. I've decided not to be a slave to my traditions. This year I've done only what I've had time for and it has been a most enjoyable season so far.
14. Do You Make a List?
For what I want??? No. I don't even want anything. Jeff and I struggle to provide for 5 kids - watching them get what they want is a wonderful gift for us both. Our gift to each other is always a weekend away for our anniversary (right after Christmas). But of course I make lists for what I'd like to give to others....I wouldn't be able to keep up with it, otherwise!
15. Do You Check it Twice and Thrice?
Constantly. I can't ever remember what I've bought for who.
16. When do You Start Shopping?
When the money's there....I can't start too early because the little'uns change their minds so much!
17. Do You Shop on Black Friday?
Nothing sounds less enjoyable than Black Friday.
18. Are You Ready for Christmas?
How can you not be? Like the Grinch discovered....it comes anyway! Personally, I don't ever want to feel like I have to "work" to get ready for a holiday. I have experienced that sensation a few times and it isn't pretty. This year - I'm letting go of some perfectionism, some traditions I thought we "had" to keep, and a few extracurricular activities that really just served to keep me from doing things I'd rather be doing. So - YES - this year I am ready. Every last gift isn't bought, much less wrapped. Things haven't yet been mailed that need to be mailed. I haven't done as much baking as I probably should have in order to show my appreciation for all of the wonderful people in our little family / learning community. But I'm sure that when Christmas morning rolls around, I will discover that "It came just the same!" So yes! I'm ready! I'm alive, I'm kicking, and I shall be merry even if it kills me.
Signing Off as Sardine Mama on an Uncharacteristically Silent Night
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