Monday, November 3, 2008

Mindless Babbling on the Eve of the Election

Well, tomorrow is the BIG DAY. I met with 3 cohorts at La Madaline's tonight and we got drunk on chocolate and strung out on coffee/tea/soda and talked WAY too loudly about all sorts of things. Actually, I should capitalize that. As in, All Sorts of Things. We are planning a post-election party - either to celebrate our victory or finalize our plans to move to Canada. I am excited, either way. So, whether you are voting McCain/Palin or Obama/Biden - go vote! Even if you live in Texas where your vote doesn't count. It is fun! It is patriotic! And this year, it is monumentally momentous. I should capitalize that. Monumentally Momentous.

So - other big things: or rather, Big Things: Schnitzel is home from the hospital. However, she really doesn't appear to be doing any better. She is not eating, she is still dizzy, and she is peeing everywhere. The vet bill was $319. We are giving her some meds, including steroids. I am also on steroids. So if she keeps peeing in the house we might come to blows. There just might not be room in this house for two girls on steroids.

This is going to be short and sweet. I'm going to try to post more often since I've noticed other bloggers are shootin' for daily posts during the month of November. I'm shootin' for 2-3 times per week, here. Holy cow. I'm saying "shootin". What does that mean? Is it a sign? I'm dropping my g. Is this going to be in vogue? G dropping? Or rather, droppin? What am I going to do when the election is over? What am I going to worry about? What am I going to talk about? What am I going to do when people stop sending me 10 or more anti-Obama e-mails per day? What will I read every morning while drinking my coffee when starts to bore me to tears?

Either way, win or lose, I'm afraid life will once again (dun dun dun) return to (gulp) normal. Ahhhhh, normal. Where we all once again have things in common and live in the same America - where none of us are "fake" or "anti-American" or "elite" and we're all back to raising kids, paying our bills, going to work and whining about the government.....

In my experience, post-election decompression takes but a few months - hard to believe we will all decompress, but we will. And I think I am going to remove my "Is it 2008 yet?" bumper sticker from my bus. It is, after all, quite faded and pathetic. The time has come.

Finally - I have been hit with a meme. My dear young friend and devoted reader, Katie, has tagged me. She is bound to be disappointed but here is the question: What 10 books would you take with you if you were going to be stranded on a desert island?

First of all - a desert island with a bag of books - how does one bring this particular situation about? God, but that sounds good. On first thought, I would say that I would simply bring the next ten Anita Blake vampire books with me. I am about to start book 8. However, that is shallow and short-sighted. First of all, I can read one of those books in a day. And once I've read it, I've read it. Nothing much to ponder once you've closed the book. No warm afterglow. So - I wouldn't take the vampire books. Even though they are getting really good. Twisted plots - finally some good character development. The other day I was telling Ellie about the latest book and I was all excited and talking real fast and explaining two sub-plots simultaneously and I kept making some mistakes with a certain character's name. I have never made a mistake since Ellie has been born that she hasn't pointed out to me. So anyway, the conversation went like this:

ME: And then, Jean Claude, the vampire, is all trying to avoid having to serve on the Council because even though he killed one of the council members and is therefore supposed to take his place, John Paul doesn't think he is strong enough....

ELLIE: Uh, Mom? John Paul was the Pope. Not a vampire.

ME: I know that. I meant to say Jean Claude. Give me a break. Anyway, so Jean Luke doesn't think he's.....

ELLIE: Uh, Mom? Jean Luke is the captain of the starship Enterprise. Also not a vampire.

Gosh! She takes the fun out of everything! It is like it is her job or something. I couldn't even finish telling her what was going on with Jean Claude the vampire because she kept getting all nit-picky when I called him the Pope or the Captain. What can I say? Jean Claude is my favorite vampire, John Paul was most definitely my favorite Pope, and Jean Luke is BY FAR my favorite starship captain and would probably make a pretty good vampire, too. I like my men/vampires either with a full head of long, flowing, romance-novel hair or I like them completely bald. And I like guys with accents. Jean Claude (french) John Paul ( polish) Jean Luke (british). Anyway, so I talk fast and get my words mixed up. Ellie should live to be my age and have had over 3/4 of her brain cells sucked out of her body by five breastfeeding kids. We'll see how pretty she talks then. Don't ask me to explain the biology behind that statement. I don't have to. The proof is in the pudding - or in this case - the vampire conversation. The fact that I can even still read a book at all, much less talk about it, is impressive. I know, I know. You're thinking, "Yeah? Well, some women have 5 kids and run for vice-president!" And to that I say, "Did you hear her interview with Katie Couric? Palin and I are suffering from the same amount of lost brain cells. They escaped through our breasts." Ha! Now what are you going to say? Luckily, women don't need as many brain cells because we can multi-task. Now - what was I doing??? Oh yeah. Back to Katie's list. I know I am expected to say I would like to take a copy of the Bible with me. I'm pretty sure everyone says that. But the truth is, I've not read much of the Bible and what I have read has either

a) scared the hell out of me or

b) bored me to tears.

I'm sorry! But it is true. People are either drowning, burning, turning to salt, or cryptically preaching stuff I don't understand. Is this heresy? Blasphemy? Insensitivity? Am I just not smart enough? Oh! Actually, I like the Beatitudes. And I understand them. Isn't that the Sermon on the Mount? Or is that something else? Biblical scholars - do you read my blog? Help me out, here....Anyway - here is my wickedly un-Biblical list.

1) Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman

This is kinda sorta my bible.

2) Walden by Thoreau (to show me how to appreciate my solitude - like I would actually need someone to do that at this point in my life).

3) Men Against the Sea (to remind me that anything is possible)

4) Anything by David Sedaris - who else could make me laugh while stranded on a desert island?

5) Robinson Crusoe - duh

6) SAS Survival Handbook (OK - I got this off an Amazon list of books you'd want to have with you if stranded on a desert island - so I cheated - whatever. This was the only book on the list that I agreed I'd want - the first book on their list was the Bible).

7) A blank journal to write my own blasted book - finally!

8) War and Peace (the Everlasting Gobstopper of books)

9) Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami (I would finally have the time to devote to figuring out what this crazy book means....I was hoping my blog-readers would explain it to me but none of you have, yet.)

10) This is my last book - it should be something truly profound. I feel I should go ahead and be politically/religiously correct and pick the Bible. But I'm going for logical, instead. I can't help myself. I am, after all, a completely logical and sensible person. Ask anyone who doesn't know me. So, for my last book I have chosen The Coconut Lover's Cookbook by Bruce Fife. It seems that it might come in handy.

Sorry, Katie. Pathetic, I know. Not one Jane Austen in the bunch. I know you and Ellie go all whacko over Jane Austen, but the books are snoozers for me.

So - I am supposed to tag 6 people with this meme. If you've read this, consider yourself tagged and list your books in "comments". Anybody and everybody. Cough it up.

From the house of chaos, nestled snugly in the southwestern tip of the land of the free and the home of the brave, I'm Sardine Mama and I'm patriotically signing off. (Play America the Beautiful in your heads, please).


  1. haha! No it's fine. Mine wasn't terribly amazing either. I basically listed all the books or series of books I've read a hundred times and am (somehow) not tired of. Nor will I ever be.

    And how can Jane Austen be boring?!?! I know they're hard to get into but really! P&P is HILARIOUS! Sense and Sensibility not much less so! Northanger Abbey, too funny! Persuasion and Mansfield Park are sorta boring at first, but when you think about it all the little things people do and say turn out to be pretty exciting. There's all these meanings behind the words and everybody's aiming for something different and yet usually for the same guy. All of her books have pretty much everything but action scenes! They're fencing with words the whole time! It's awesome!
    .... uh-oh, I'm quickly switching to "mega-nerd" mode. I'll stop now. 0:-)

  2. FENCING WITH WORDS??? Okay - I LOVE that! Awesome phrase. I'm going to use it often. There is much fencing in this house. And as for Mega-Nerd mode? You have some major competition. After taking the PSAT, Ellie stated that she found the test thoroughly enjoyable. There are several degrees of nerdiness.

  3. Hi there!

    I'm Katie's friend Katie (too cool right??) from CT. I was wondering if I could steal this:

    Either way, win or lose, I'm afraid life will once again (dun dun dun) return to (gulp) normal. Ahhhhh, normal. Where we all once again have things in common and live in the same America - where none of us are "fake" or "anti-American" or "elite" and we're all back to raising kids, paying our bills, going to work and whining about the government.....

    from your blog. I love it and would love to just post it on my blog (and credit you, of course. :))

    Anyway, if you could just leave a comment on my blog that'd be great. :)

    Katie F

  4. ok here it is.

    1) This is All -Aidan Chambers (this would be considered my Bible)

    2) The Bell Jar -Sylvia Plath

    3) The Catcher In the Rye - J.D. Salinger

    4) Jane Eyre -Charlotte Bronte

    5) a book of Poe stories

    6) Twilight series -Stephanie Meyer(would you count each individual book or just as 1?)

    7) The Perks of Being a Wallflower -Stephen Chbosky

    8) The Lovely Bones -Alice Sebold

    9) Parrotfish -Ellen Wittlinger (any of her books would suffice)

    10) anything by Trollope or Proust