Saturday, November 8, 2008

On Creation

So - I am wanting to make things right now. I want to create something. Desperately. I am currently writing two books but it is dreadfully slow and painful work and all done with major self-doubt so not incredibly rewarding, you know?

I might take up knitting. I watched my friend sit on my couch while knitting little baby pants for her 3rd in the trilogy, Galileo. I have to say his name because I love his name. I have already named her next child Octavian. I would have named a kid Octavian but Jeff insisted that all our boys have J names. Joctavian? Could have gone by Jock? Or Jacques? What was I talking about? Oh yeah. I need to create something and am considering taking up knitting like the unborn Octavian's mother. You should see these little pants she made. She held them up and they looked exactly like The Wrong Trousers in the Wallace and Gromit Shorts Video. Not seen it? What is wrong with you? Hilarity, hilarity, hilarity. Gromit is one of my very most favorite people. Of course he is a dog. But we all know dogs who are people. Get on Netflix right now. Seriously.

So what was I talking about? Oh yeah. Galileo's breeches. I now have seen a picture of him in these very adorable hand-knit pants and it is making me want to knit. Galileo is a few months old. The kid I have in mind for mine is 14. I need to start measuring him. I would make the 10-year-old wear the knit pants but that poor child has enough problems and he just got braces on top of it. And Jasper only wears pajamas. That leaves Joel for the project. He is, by far, the most amenable of all of my kids. I could put the pants on him and he would never know it. And most likely, instead of being made fun of, he would start a new trend. That is the kind of kid he is. I am wondering, however, how long it would take me to knit him a pair of pants? He is bigger than I am....

Maybe I should go back to cross-stitching, instead. I love to cross-stitch and now that I have adjusted to my "progressive" (which we all know is just a code word for liberal but in this case it is a code word for bifocals) glasses - I think I could actually take this up, again. I have never actually finished a cross-stitching project but who cares? Well, actually I do. I hate it when I don't finish things! And doggonit (I miss Palin) I never finish things. Blah. The only things I ever started that I actually finished were babies. Oh - My - God. Can you say breakthrough? It isn't the crisp air blowing through my curtains or the definite feel of change in the air that is causing this desire to create something. It really isn't. This is the longest I have ever gone without being pregnant (in the last 17 years). And I am really missing it. I am one of those crazy women who simply loves being pregnant. I love the physical part and I love the wonderful anticipation part. I love waiting for the baby. I love seeing the baby for the first time. I love nursing the baby for the first time. I love naming the baby (even if I can't name it Octavian). I love sitting there with something new in my arms that feels like it has always been there. I love the feeling of completeness. But I am going to turn 44 next month, so we are not trying for anymore babies. I am not a celebrity. I actually have to raise and care for the babies I bear.

I am feeling the need to have some sort of little ceremony to mark this end of an era. I am into ceremonies and rituals. So I must begin thinking about this. It really is an actual period of mourning for me and maybe facing this with some sort of celebration will bring closure and help me look forward to the new forms of creation that are waiting for me, if only I could let go of the phantom baby I swear I sometimes feel fluttering in my stomach. Time to gather a few friends around me. I need babying, myself. I need some affirmation and support - even if it is for a strange thing that my friends might not understand. And then again, I bet a few of them will understand it completely.

Hmmm, this is interesting. I am envisioning a drumming/knitting circle - around a fire where I burn my nursing bras....other ideas, people?

Sardine Mama


  1. I have quite a lot of baby fluttering around in my belly, and it makes me not so much able to think about creating other things.

    I should encourage you to finish a cross-stitch project. It is EXTREMELY satisfying to actually get one of those suckers framed up.

    But then again? I loves me some knitting way more than I ever loved cross-stitch.

    Or maybe you can make soap.

    Either way, would your friend send me a copy of those knit pants? Especially if it's a wool soaker (diaper cover), because I want to try some of those. Thanks!

  2. Janet?? I know you're out there. Want to send your knit pants pattern and other weird things to Pamela? She's up above.

  3. ok, so Jules is getting braces??!! when did this happen? wow.

    i still think you should get a tattoo. ;) as for the hobby thing, um..... i've got nothing. maybe because i'm not at that stage in my life yet. :/ hope you figure something out! and you should totally <--- :D have some sort of Rite of Passage or something; i've heard that they're really fun and enjoyable. :)

  4. I can't get a tattoo until I lose weight. But I am DEFINITELY getting a tattoo IF I can lose weight which I can't seem to do because I can't seem to stop eating which I think might have something to do with my longing to get pregnant but is probably just plain old gluttony.

    How would you know about rites? You sound as if you have, at one time, danced around a fire with me with holy ashes from India rubbed on the spot of your 3rde eye chakra. Oh yeah! You HAVE done that with me. 'Twas fun.

  5. Oh yeah, Pamela...I have done the soap-making thing. But it is a hard activity to throw in your bag and take with you to piano lessons..

  6. sorry, sorry, i'm here... had a hard internet week w/ chaos on facebook that i've taken a break a bit...

    sorry to disappoint you carol, but it's crocheting... :) i'd like to think of it as subversive crocheting - my way as a mother of 3, 3 & younger of protesting. :)

    anyway, it is a wool soaker & i bought part of the pattern from a friend, but she bought it off of i'd show her in person if she'd like or she can buy it. here are pics of 'em:

  7. one more thing... working right now on my 2nd pair - jamaican colors... very cool!

  8. I say you get a nose piercing for your mid-life crisis/ceremony. Your nose could pull it off :D

    I'm still nursing....of course but have two very scary looking Bravado bras that could stand a burning.

    I'm currently knitting a Texas flag. Is that scary or WHAT? Of course I am cheating and using a loom.

    I'd rather chew glass then cross-stitch. I don't wear bifocals and my eyes go crosseyed trying to read the patterns.

  9. Ellie was considering a nose piercing. I think it fits her. But her last cold made her rethink that idea. What do you do when you have a cold and you're blowing and rubbing and sneezing and stuff? You take the ring out but then all the gunk gets in the hole, etc. So, yes, a nose piercing would look good on me but Ellie is right, it has the potential for grossness.

  10. So funny...I just posted about wanting a nosie pierce.

  11. Pamela, I wholeheartedly think you should get your nose pierced. It is a wonderful thing to hold such strong opinions about what other people should do. If I were younger, I would do the whole thang. I love dreadlocks, love tattoos, love it love it love it - but I occasionally see women walking around Wal-Mart ( i really try not go to into wal mart but sometimes it is unavoidable) who remind me why I shouldn't adorn myself in such youthful ways. Ahhhh, the belly-button ring that only peeks out when the offender raises her arms, thereby stretching the stretch-marked belly, which is hanging in rolls over the low-rise jeans and the ever fashionable cameltoe. One of my personal faves.