Monday, November 22, 2010

Reality in Alaska

I promised you my insightful opinion of Sarah Palin's Alaska, so here it is.  Because I have a load of stuff to do today/this week (that's why) and the longer I sit here doing the typing and drinking the coffee...the longer I can put all that stuff off, thereby ensuring myself an extremely stressful start to my holiday season.  It's tradition. God but I love the holidays.

**If you are a Die-Hard Palin Fan - please don't read'll hate me and I would really hate that. Just tune in next week, okay? Next week I promise to offend / piss off someone else, instead.

Now then, I really don't want to be all snarky but the woman (Palin) has left me no choice.  We don't have cable or satellite or any other modern technology in this here house (that statement is for the benefit of any college financial aid narcs that might be staking out my family...also? it is true.) but Ellie made me watch Sarah Palin's Alaska in the hotel room last week.

As you all know, I am an extremely naive and innocent girl, so I honestly thought Sarah Palin's Alaska was going to be a nature show.  Stop laughing!  I really thought that!  I did consider it ironic to have her hosting any kind of a nature show that was going to attempt reverence towards you know...animals...nature...conservation...stuff like that...but it's show business in the end and stranger things have happened.  I really wasn't expecting a reality tv show.  I know! I feel so silly now.  But I don't watch reality tv...don't watch much tv at all (not because I'm better than you but because I really don't have time because being the queen of procrastination is a time-consuming job) and I Just Didn't See It Coming.  But it was totally a reality tv show.  It was totally a Follow-The-Family-around reality tv show. 

Before I put on my Reality TV Show Critic's Hat, I would like to clarify one thing:  Todd Palin is totally hot.  Apparently, this (well known) fact had escaped me during the period of time when I was blinded by rage and fury election. Holy cow - what a cutie!  And while it would be lovely to see Todd scampering about the White House, I'm still not entirely sure it's a good idea.  Now why on earth hasn't Todd come out with a country music album?  THAT would be a good idea.  Don't ask me why.  It is just a thought that occurred to me and I think it is a mighty fine one at that. It doesn't matter if he can't sing.  Half the people who appeared on the American Music Awards last night couldn't sing and it was still a good show.  So yeah, Todd needs a record deal (and possibly a calendar) and Palin needs to do what Barbara Bush recently said: STAY IN ALASKA.  Where she really can't do that much damage unless you're a wolf, moose, bear, or an Alaskan Citizen.

Back to the show.  It was interesting.  Although I don't have time for reality tv, it doesn't mean I don't like to stare at a train wreck just as much as the next guy.  It was fascinating.  And they are pretty people (the entire family) so the viewing was easy on the eyes as long as you hold the mute button down (to cut down on the nasally whine factor).

What I found most fascinating about Sarah Palin's Alaska was the Family Values Aspect of it.  Because God knows the Palins are the poster family of family values (meaning there are no un-closeted homosexuals in their family).  And God knows that my family (non-church going, non-rule setting, school-is-for-losers educational philosophy) is NOT.  But.  That sulky boy who was eyeing Willow like she was a hot fudge sundae after she gave him the Come Hither look?  Would not be hanging around all sneaky-like in My House.  But then again, neither would Levi Johnston....and that just goes without saying.  So when Sarah (the mother of the house) told the sneaky-like boy to stay downstairs and not to follow Willow upstairs where de-flowering and de-filing could possibly take place, and Willow looked at him and rolled her eyes with a smirk, and then he JUMPED OVER THE BABY GATE AT THE FOOT OF THE STAIRS and WENT UP THERE ANYWAY, I was like REALLY?  This is cool?  This is entertaining and hilarious in an "Oh, look at those silly teenagers" way?  I was really dumbstruck that that particular scene made it into the show.  I would think it would look bad on several levels.  Because there's really no positive way to spin it.  It has to be spun as either:

1.  Something the show's producers set up for a Wow Factor (considering teen pregnancy is a well-publicized issue in the Palin household)....which would show really Bad Judgement on Sarah's part for allowing it in the show because, quite frankly, it makes the boy look disrespectful, it makes Willow look Not So Good, and it makes Sarah look ineffective.  So....if it wasn't set up by the producers....

2. It really happened.  And if it really happened?  Again - it makes the boy look bad, Willow look Not So Good, and Sarah look ineffective. 

I'm pretty sure if I continue in the direction I'm headed, God will punish me.  If I say what I'm going to say next, locusts, plagues, and Levi Johnston will be inflicted upon me.  But I'm going to say it anyway. 

The kids who regularly hang out in my home are not necessarily angels or perfect in any way (and that includes my own).  But none of them would EVER treat me the way that boy treated Sarah Palin.  None of them would ever blatantly do something I'd just asked them not to.  *Of course, it is unlikely I would have a rule like that in my house...but that just goes back to how we have no Family Values. 

But if I DID have a rule like that?  The young men who frequent my home with their copious amounts of hair and loud music and violent video games...are not sneaky and disrespectful.  They wouldn't jump the gate I'd just asked them to stay behind ON NATIONAL TELEVISION while my daughter waited for them upstairs in what had already been designated as an off limits area. 

Also??  My teenage daughter wouldn't want a boy like that around.  We have lots of boys around, her boyfriend, in particular, and friends of hers and friends of his and friends of my boys...and none of them are like that.  Sneakiness and Disrespect are generally unattractive qualities in boys for girls who have been raised with self-respect and confidence.

So why did that scene make it into the show?  Why is nobody else talking about it?  I'll tell you why.  It is the Sarah Palin Appeal Factor.  And the appeal factor is....WOW! Except for the really expensive house, the chartered plane, the $75,000 RV, the hot husband, the FOX News show appearances, and the fact that I don't exploit my children in a Reality TV Show (I exploit mine on a blog), Sarah Palin is just like me!!

That's it. That's all it has ever been.  People like to know that they're not the only ones who make mistakes.  They like to know that other people face challenges with their kids.  They like to know that other people don't always make the best decisions.  They like to know that other people might not know where Russia is or that Africa is a continent.  It makes them feel better about themselves. (I know Sarah Palin sure makes me feel better about myself.) 

I'm not always the Mother of the Year...ask anyone who has spent any amount of time around me and they'll tell you that.  Ask my kids and they'll tell you that. Ask my hungry dog and he'll tell you that.  But maybe if Sarah spent less time on television and more time paying attention to what's going on in her own household....oh my....I sound a little bit like June Cleaver there, don't I?  I hate that.  So I'll stop now.

*If you're going to comment, keep it classy.  I love it when people agree with me - I really do!  But don't dis the Palin kids 'cause they're just kids and it's not their fault that their mom is putting them out there...ya know?


  1. Absolutely awesome insights. I have had people tell me that they loved Sarah Palin because she is just like them. Yeah, and I wouldn't vote for them to run anything either!!!

  2. I'm still hung up at the beginning of your post... you watched this WHY???

    As far as I'm concerned, giving them any more exposure is just more proof that fame and intelligence are totally unrelated unless you consider that they're inversely proportionate... which is what I think.


  3. The REAL reason they wouldn't jump the gate is because you have no upstairs :)
    Loved the post. And I love the teens that our girls know - they are great kids!

  4. Get this....from what I've heard....Todd Palin is the producer of the show. That, apparently, was one of the bargaining chips in order for them to film it in the first place!!! WOW - again.

  5. Wow, Dee, I know that is supposed to be an aha moment for me...his being the producer...but really it just makes him more attractive to me. The shame of it is overwhelming.

  6. I like when you get all June Cleaver on me. That's hot!
    Todd, attractive? Really? C'mon!
    Sarah drives me nuts. But here's the deal, she could be your next president. And you know who is to blame? That's right, Obama and his hope and change that we've not seen yet. We are going to get an extreme conservative nut case as a president because our current extreme liberal President is failing.
    Okay, consider yourself lucky. That is the most poltical rant that I have ever spouted on anyone's blog. See what you do to me?
    On a lighter note, John was doing his homework the other night watching that show. I thought that it was a nature show too and left him watch it. Had I known...
    I have a picture and I was going to write about it. I'll email it to you later on.
    Take care Texas Sarah.
    Your Friend, m.

  7. Mark - I really don't want to argue politics with you but I can't help are wrong, wrong, wrong. Todd IS hot.

  8. Alright. I thought to myself, "Mark, take another at Todd and keep an open mind". So I did, right?
    I felt nothing.
    It could be his hair, I'm not sure. I just find him kind of creepy. Don't be surprised if something freaky or fetish-y comes out one day about him. And when it does, Guess who will be writing to you saying "I told you so"?
    That's right, your Friend, m.

  9. Hi Sardine Mama,
    I found your blog through Mark's (as he's got days off of blogging, I needed to read about someone else's adventures instead)... I would hate to see Palin get anywhere further than she has already - so scary (will not be traveling to the US while she's president in any case, but who cares huh). Anyway, wanted to tell you I read the "pilot" story of the bog, about your trip and I laughed soooo much - so there, now I have you bookmarked too. If your children need any practice in French or Dutch, they can always contact me...
    Kind regards,
    Jade (from tiny and far away Belgium)

  10. But seriously, why is a deeply thoughtful and intellectual president coming across as a failure? Why is our country seemingly hungry for another shallow, ditzy, bull-headed, willfully ignorant and too-self-assured moron for president? (Not that I'm referring to anyone in particular there)

  11. Because, Julie, we are idiots. Led by a President who has disappointed us. And now we can only do one thing -- swing in completely the opposite direction!

    Thanks, SM, for your thoughtful post. I do feel better about me when I think about the Palins. Almost any sort of parent has to feel better about their own parenting. And everything else for that matter. :)


  12. @Nance

    Hear! Hear!

    And, Mark, in what universe is Obama an "extreme liberal"? Because it ain't this one? Obama is a DLC-type 3rd way Democrat. ALways was. Always will be. Of the last 3 Dems standing during the primaries (Clinton, Edwards, and Obama), he was the most right-leaning.

    That someone who seems to be opposed to the wingnuts could have so bought into their rhetoric as to classify Obama as an "extreme liberal" is scary indeed.